Loafers and Looking at Art

Today in Austin we're having the most perfect day: 60s, clear and sunny, and barely breezy.  I just returned home from my day of radiation, lunch, then yarn and sock shopping with Laura, and a trip to Tomlinson's for cat food.  I need to go buy wild bird seed for Chubby's seed hut, but I feel I've done enough shopping for today.  When I got home I found my fancy $10.00 olive green suede Cole Haan Ebay loafers in the mail box.  They're to replace my almost worn out green suede Target loafers.  They're so stretched out now that they flop right off my feet sometimes.  I've always been a fan of loafers. I wore them in high school in the 60s and  in the 80s, I had a pair of black ones I found at a thrift store.  They were really nice, hand stitched with leather soles.  I wore them everywhere.  After a show at Liberty Lunch (in whatever year that was),  I was merrily, and probably drunkenly, skipping across the rain-wet street to our car when my lovely leather soles slipped on the concrete, and I hit the ground with my left cheekbone and hip. My cheekbone immediately swelled to size of a golf ball.  I was sore and had big bruises for weeks, but I never held it against the shoes.  

Lauren and I went to Houston this past weekend to see a Kurt Schwitter's (http://www.moma.org/collection/artist.php?artist_id=5293) show (http://www.menil.org/exhibitions/KurtSchwittersColorandCollage.php) at the Menil Museum.  It was great!  I loved looking at his collages up close, focusing on the individual elements--brush strokes, thickness of paint, the print in newspaper cut-outs, the grain in wood, and so on--then backing up quite a way just seeing just color and shape, the cubist effect being more apparent.  Does that make sense?  Anyway it was a wonderful show and you should go before the end of the month and see it.  The Menil is free, but they're happy to take a donation.  

Lauren in front of MFAH

We decided to Spend Saturday at the Fine Arts Museum and I was so glad we did because one work of art took my breath away:  Cai Guo-Qiang's Odyssey.   I don't want to say much about it because I want you to go see it.  Here's a link if you need more convincing:   http://www.culturemap.com/series/cais-odyssey/


I have a lot of ideas brewing right now.  Several things about Schwitter's work really spoke to me, some things I needed to hear.  I've been really uptight.  I am really uptight.  I'm not sure when that started, but I'd like to loosen my grip on some dumb ideas I'm holding on to.  His work seemed really raw and immediate--a few crooked frames and all (of course the gallery frames that often framed his work, were perfect). 


The light is beautiful right now at 4:46 and it's time to feed the cats.  

30 Days of gratitude--Day 30

This should be the last of the 30 days of gratitude posts, but I noticed yesterday that along the way I left out day 16.* I  haven't quite decided what to do about that.  In fact yesterday I was so flummoxed by the omission of the 16th day that I neglected to post.  Twenty-nine days of gratitude should be adequate, but I feel that it's just not right.  I set out to do 30 days, so there will be a belated day 16.   


Today, I'm grateful that I live in Austin.  Sure the traffic sucks, city government is often kind of a joke, and property taxes are awful.  That said, it's a heavenly green oasis in sea of scary, Baptist, gun-toting, right-wing, creationist-myth-believing Texas.  This state is red.  

Ah dear progressive Austin, with your beloved Barton Springs, many city parks and pools, beautiful greenbelts, Lady Bird Lake, hike and bike trails, fragrant blooming fruit trees, honeysuckle, wisteria, and mountain laurel in the springtime, breakfast tacos, brilliant music, flourishing art scene, passionate gardeners, kick-ass grocery stores with organic produce, farmers markets, casual, relaxed restaurants and bars, and buy-local attitude.    I can go from the farmers market to Hill Country Weavers for some yarn, to the Stitch Lab for a screen printing class, and from the Stitch Lab head over to the East Side and Domy to browse books, then to Tacoba for dinner without changing from the jeans and t-shirt I started the day in.  (I'm not saying I would do that, but I could.  If I wanted to.)

Morgan on hike and bike trail at Lady Bird Lake

 Austin is the seat of state government and home to The University of Texas.  Those two entities have provided jobs to folks like me for years.  Our economy is still stronger than that of many U.S. cities.  

me in front of the state capitol

People read here.  Smart people live here.  Progressive ideas take wing.  This is one of the greenest cities in the country and getting greener. Today I'm very grateful Austin is home. But if it gets much bigger, I'm moving to progressive West Texas!




*As it turns out, I did have a "Day 16."  I just somehow skipped over it.  Doh!

30 Days of gratitude--Day 29

It's  official now, so I can break the news!   The neuropathy in my hands and feet has gotten bad enough that the Taxol treatment is over!  Yay!  Now I'll have just the Herceptin, but only every three weeks.   I am so grateful!   


What this means is no more muscle and joint pain, no more flu-like symptoms 2 days after treatment, no more depressed immune system, extreme fatigue, and hopefully, eventually no more neuropathy!  I am indeed grateful!  


My hair will grow back and I'll start feeling good again.  Hooray.  

30 Days of gratitude--Day 28

From left to right: Kathleen, Elena, Christine, Laura, Edmo, and Erika

This is my art focus group. These are some of the coolest, smartest, funniest, nicest, most creative people you could ever meet.  I am so grateful to know each and every one of them.  
For almost a year now we've been meeting on Monday mornings at 9 a.m., usually at Cherrywood coffee house, to discuss creative issues from making to marketing.  Sometimes we talk about how to get "unstuck,"  how to be gentle with ourselves, how to ask for help, how to develop the creative habit, and how keep going when discouraged.  Sometimes we talk about inspirations, processes, and resources.  Sometimes we talk about the stuff in our lives that's really hard : family, illness, money, and relationships.  Sometimes we cry, frequently we laugh, but we always celebrate one another's successes, no matter how small.  Disappointments, rejections, and failures all become a part of the learning process and are treated as such--just keep exploring and playing and making.   Eventually all of it becomes manifest in the work.  

30 Days of gratitude--Day 27

I am grateful for my bed.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 26

 Yesterday morning, Morgan and I celebrated New Year's Eve Day with a road trip.  We drove the back roads from Austin to Buda, from Buda to Kyle, from Kyle to San Marcos, from San Marcos to Gruene, from Gruene to New Braunfels, and back. I love a lot of small Texas towns.  We stopped along the way and took some pictures.  I'm grateful that it's so easy to get out to the country from Austin, and that we're surrounded by trees and water.  I'm also grateful that sometimes man's footprint upon the land is beautiful, or at least interesting, because that footprint is undeniable.

future business park between Kyle and Buda

what are these?  pink and blue, they are.

Too bad Riley's Tavern was closed because it looks awesome!

30 Days of gratitude--Day 25

I'm grateful I survived this difficult and challenging year.  I'm grateful I'm married to a kind and compassionate man.  I'm grateful for my friends, my oncologist, the chemo nurses, and the few strangers who have come up to me and said, "I know what you're going through and it will be okay." 


 I'm grateful that I continue to feel hopeful in these wicked times.  I don't believe in wearing blinders. I think the truth is the goal, regardless of how painful it might be.  If we can't see and admit the truth then any real solutions are impossible.  It's great to be positive and to see the beautiful parts of life, but living in that place for too long is foolish and not helpful.  Sometimes we're supposed to feel sadness and sorrow.  It's part of being human.  


 My greatest fear is that I possess enormous blind spots (lacunas) that are apparent to all but me, yet I know that possessing blind spots is a large part of my human condition.  This is where a sense of humor is helpful.  And I'm grateful for that.  

30 Days of gratitude--Day 24

This morning while watering the potted plants spending winter on our screened porch, I suddenly felt so lucky to have that space.  Unless temperatures fall below 30 degrees, plants are fine without being covered.  And if we do need to cover them, it's so convenient to have all the plants

in one central area.

There are more potted plants living on the porch, but these were the better pictures.

Yes, I'm grateful for our screened porch!  It's just the right size for our various activities.  In the warmer months, our kitties, who aren't allowed to go in the yard, love to bask in the sun, watch birds, lizards, and bugs, and sniff the breezes.  

It's also home to the feral kitties in the winter.  They have baskets with wool blankets and a heating pad where they can sleep out of the cold and damp.

Sprout, Colonel Popcorn, and the late Larry

We are also fond of porch-sitting and visiting with friends.  For that purpose we have seating elements, or chairs.

 We particularly enjoy sitting in our chairs and having a cold beverage after working in the yard, but almost anytime is good for porch-sitting.

 Sometimes friends join us for a meal on the porch.  This is Allan last spring with lettuces from our garden.

Ellen examining the lettuce.

We also enjoy making things.  Sometimes we like to make things that create a big mess.  The porch is the perfect place for messiness!

 We made concrete stepping stones with Morgan's mom and Dad last spring.  

I think Morgan's dad was having more fun than this picture might indicate.  

 Our messiest project to date was the quikrete birdbath that we decorated with beer caps.  

 As you can see we made quite a big mess, but loved every minute of it!  


So on this lovely winter day, I am very grateful that at about 4 o'clock, I'll be sitting on the porch watching the last of light.  

30 Days of gratitude--Day 23

Say what you will about big pharma, and I'll agree with the worst of it.  The big pharmaceutical companies are pretty corrupt: marketing drugs that haven't been tested thoroughly, not releasing information regarding drug side-effects, and charging far too much for drugs people's lives depend upon, etc.  Pretty evil.  But today, I'm grateful for pharmaceuticals.  Months of chemotherapy have left me with neuropathy*  in my hands and feet.  I figured I was just stuck with it for a while.  It tends to linger for months after the chemotherapy treatment that caused it ends.  Today I got a prescription for a drug called Neurontin  (Gabapentin).  Gabapentin is often used to treat different types of neuralgia as well as epilepsy, but the cool thing about this drug is that it also treats symptoms I frequently suffer from:  hot flashes, migraine headache, social anxiety, and restless leg syndrome (with virtually no side effects).  It also deepens sleep and aids in sleep onset and sleep maintenance.  Wow!  I could stand a few months without hot flashes and and social anxiety!  Of course, it may take a few weeks to start to work, but I can live with that.  


* Peripheral neuropathy is the term for damage to nerves of the peripheral nervous system,^[1] which may be caused either by diseases of the nerve or from the side-effects of systemic illness.

The four cardinal patterns of peripheral neuropathy are polyneuropathy, mononeuropathy, mononeuritis multiplex and autonomic neuropathy. The most common form is (symmetrical) peripheral polyneuropathy, which mainly affects the feet and legs. The form of neuropathy may be further broken down by cause, or the size of predominant fiber involvement, i.e., large fiber or small fiber peripheral neuropathy. Frequently the cause of a neuropathy cannot be identified and it is designated idiopathic.

Neuropathy may be associated with varying combinations of weakness, autonomic changes, and sensory changes. Loss of muscle bulk orfasciculations, a particular fine twitching of muscle, may be seen. Sensory symptoms encompass loss of sensation and "positive" phenomena including pain. Symptoms depend on the type of nerves affected (motor, sensory, or autonomic) and where the nerves are located in the body. One or more types of nerves may be affected. Common symptoms associated with damage to the motor nerve are muscle weakness, cramps, and spasms. Loss of balance and coordination may also occur. Damage to the sensory nerve can produce tingling, numbness, and pain. Pain associated with this nerve is described in various ways such as the following: sensation of wearing an invisible "glove" or "sock", burning, freezing, or electric-like, extreme sensitivity to touch. The autonomic nerve damage causes problems with involuntary functions leading to symptoms such as abnormal blood pressure and heart rate, reduced ability to perspire, constipation, bladder dysfunction (e.g., incontinence), and sexual dysfunction.^[2]

30 Days of gratitude--Day 22

I am grateful for bandanas.  I've tried wigs and they always feel hot and scratchy.  It's rarely cold enough for a wool cap, and often I feel silly wearing a hat indoors.  Hooray for the versatile, comfortable, practical bandana! Did I mention that they come in many colors?   

30 Days of gratitude--Day 21

Our hosts, Luke and Kathleen

I'm grateful for Christmas this year.  Our sweet friends, Kathleen and Luke, invited us to Christmas dinner and I had the best time!   Kat's a wonderful cook, and she made the most delicious roast beef I've ever eaten with gravy, beautiful potatoes, two salads, green beans, her family's favorite mac and cheese (also possibly the best mac and cheese I've ever had!), and an orange spice cake and brownies for desert.  It was seriously yummy.  


Since my parents are gone now, it's often a comfort to be with people I love and their families during the holidays.   I love being with Kat's artist mom, Pat, and  sweet, smart, nine-year-old son, Carter.  What a great kid.  Funny and entertaining, he played the piano for us after dinner and then regaled us with jokes, of the nine-year-old variety. When we left, I felt as though I'd had the best Christmas in recent memory. 


On Christmas eve, we'd gone to Laura and Greg's and had another of their fabulous dinners (a Mexican feast), exchanged gifts, and enjoyed a cheery visit with them and Laura's sister, Suzy, and her husband, Stuart. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me if I don't spend some holiday time with Laura, Greg, Suzy, and Stuart.  After 20+ years of friendship, they're family.   

me, Laura, and Suzy

The night before that, we had a great visit with Vandy and Ellen (I know, so much socializing, right?)  after work.  We hadn't seen them for such a long time. We were seriously overdue!  They may have a big fire in the back yard this week, which sounds like winter perfection to me.  


So this year I've seen more friends, eaten more good food, and felt happier than I have in the last few Christmases.  For me, Christmas is about spending time with people I love and I'm very grateful that I got to do so much of that this year.   

30 Days of gratitude--Day 20

I'm grateful that there's a bit of blue sky peeking out on this chilly Christmas Day.  How lovely that the cold weather got here in time for Christmas. 

30 Days of gratitude--Day 19

I'm so grateful that my incredibly hard-working husband has today and next week off for the holidays.  Thank you!

30 Days of gratitude--Day 18

I'm so grateful that we not only have the income to pay for shelter, food, clothing, cars, and medicine when we need it, but also for outrageous luxuries like pets, eating out, art supplies, home entertainment options, and travel.  


We are so fortunate to be able to go to the grocery store or farmers markets and buy what we like. 


We live in a climate-controlled environment so that we never have to be too uncomfortable in the summer or winter.


We have cars that we can afford to put gas in so that we can go to a movie, to visit friends, or on a road trip.


We have cats that we can afford to take to a vet when they become ill or just for check-ups.


We have so very much.  I often feel that we have much more than we really deserve when so much of the world lives without the very basics needed for survival.   


I am deeply grateful for all that I have.


So when I begin to feel sorry for myself because I have to endure chemotherapy treatments and their side-effects,  I try to remember how very lucky I am to have good medical care, and how very lucky I am to live somewhere where a cancer diagnosis doesn't mean death.  For that I am also deeply grateful.  

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 17

I'm so grateful that my dear friend, Carrie, sent me a Christmas card with her return address!  I've had that address for years, but I had thought she was going to move, so I'd didn't use it.  I'd done a number of google searches for her hoping something would turn up.  I feel very silly, but mostly happy that she didn't give up on me.  

Back in the day when we both smoked.

Carrie and I met many years ago when she was working as a sessional proofreader at the Legislative Council.  Happily she stayed on for awhile and I got to find out what a brilliant, compassionate, spirited, and talented woman she is.  Some years later I lived next door to her in a wonderful old Victorian Duplex in Hyde Park.  Wish I'd stayed there longer.  She's always been a true and loyal friend and we've been through some difficult times together.  I will always appreciate her kindness and her constancy.  I miss her and think about her often.  I'm so grateful that I've located her right where she's always been.  Love you, Carrie.  

Thirty days of gratitude Day 16

Morgan's job makes great vacations possible.

I'm so grateful that Morgan loves his job and works for a company that values him, respects him, and continually rewards him for his hard work. That said, he works a ton of overtime and genuinely cares about doing quality work, so his employers are right to appreciate him. It's a good company.  Each employee gets a month a year in vacation time, which is rare for a private sector employer in the U.S.  Yay Morgan!  Yay Home Away!    

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 15

Feeling incredibly grateful for my friends, old and new, who have taught me so much, have given to me so generously, made me laugh, held my hand when I cried, and been with me through the thick and thin moments of life.  I hope I have given half as much to all of you as you have given to me.  

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 14

I'm grateful that I've got only four taxol treatments remaining.  

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 13

I am so grateful for my crooked little tree and all of its special ornaments.  Either really old, handmade, or given to me by friends, each one is special, and many have stories.  Each year when I pull my tree out of its bag I'm reminded of the people I love.  Morgan made the big star on top out of paper and then I painted it and sprinkled glitter on it.  There are lots of sequin and button balls that I made, and two that Melinda made.  There's my dear friend, Carrie's, exquisite marbled glass ornament, the antique Czech glass ornaments that are so old they're almost clear now, and a few really special ones that were my mom's.  I made a rule for myself a few years ago that I could only buy one really special ornament a year.  By last year I decided that I had to make the ornaments or they had to be given to me or they could be from a garage sale or thrift store, but only if they predated the 70s and were glass--I know that's a lot of rules, but I only have so much space to store Christmas ornaments!  

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 12

I am decidedly grateful for cold weather.  I like it brisk, not too breezy, and a little sunny.  Yes-siree-bob, that's the weather for me.  Today the temperature won't make it up to 60, and that's fine with me.  I wish it would stay that way for awhile. I like wool socks and I like to wear them every day.  I have a few nice sweaters, but I still can't wear them because it's not cold enough for wool.  It still hasn't been cold enough to wear a coat.  But it's Texas and I should be careful what I wish for.  Last winter we had days in the 20s and 30s and most people weren't happy about that.