365/making

Loafers and Looking at Art

2011-01-19T16:46:00.002-06:00

Today in Austin we're having the most perfect day: 60s, clear and sunny, and barely breezy. I just returned home from my day of radiation, lunch, then yarn and sock shopping with Laura, and a trip to Tomlinson's for cat food. I need to go buy wild bird seed for Chubby's seed hut, but I feel I've done enough shopping for today. When I got home I found my fancy $10.00 olive green suede Cole Haan Ebay loafers in the mail box. They're to replace my almost worn out green suede Target loafers. They're so stretched out now that they flop right off my feet sometimes. I've always been a fan of loafers. I wore them in high school in the 60s and in the 80s, I had a pair of black ones I found at a thrift store. They were really nice, hand stitched with leather soles. I wore them everywhere. After a show at Liberty Lunch (in whatever year that was), I was merrily, and probably drunkenly, skipping across the rain-wet street to our car when my lovely leather soles slipped on the concrete, and I hit the ground with my left cheekbone and hip. My cheekbone immediately swelled to size of a golf ball. I was sore and had big bruises for weeks, but I never held it against the shoes.

Lauren and I went to Houston this past weekend to see a Kurt Schwitter's (http://www.moma.org/collection/artist.php?artist_id=5293) show (http://www.menil.org/exhibitions/KurtSchwittersColorandCollage.php) at the Menil Museum. It was great! I loved looking at his collages up close, focusing on the individual elements--brush strokes, thickness of paint, the print in newspaper cut-outs, the grain in wood, and so on--then backing up quite a way just seeing just color and shape, the cubist effect being more apparent. Does that make sense? Anyway it was a wonderful show and you should go before the end of the month and see it. The Menil is free, but they're happy to take a donation.

Lauren in front of MFAH

We decided to Spend Saturday at the Fine Arts Museum and I was so glad we did because one work of art took my breath away: Cai Guo-Qiang's Odyssey. I don't want to say much about it because I want you to go see it. Here's a link if you need more convincing: http://www.culturemap.com/series/cais-odyssey/

I have a lot of ideas brewing right now. Several things about Schwitter's work really spoke to me, some things I needed to hear. I've been really uptight. I am really uptight. I'm not sure when that started, but I'd like to loosen my grip on some dumb ideas I'm holding on to. His work seemed really raw and immediate--a few crooked frames and all (of course the gallery frames that often framed his work, were perfect).

The light is beautiful right now at 4:46 and it's time to feed the cats.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 30

2011-01-07T09:12:00.002-06:00

This should be the last of the 30 days of gratitude posts, but I noticed yesterday that along the way I left out day 16.* I haven't quite decided what to do about that. In fact yesterday I was so flummoxed by the omission of the 16th day that I neglected to post. Twenty-nine days of gratitude should be adequate, but I feel that it's just not right. I set out to do 30 days, so there will be a belated day 16.

Today, I'm grateful that I live in Austin. Sure the traffic sucks, city government is often kind of a joke, and property taxes are awful. That said, it's a heavenly green oasis in sea of scary, Baptist, gun-toting, right-wing, creationist-myth-believing Texas. This state is red.

Ah dear progressive Austin, with your beloved Barton Springs, many city parks and pools, beautiful greenbelts, Lady Bird Lake, hike and bike trails, fragrant blooming fruit trees, honeysuckle, wisteria, and mountain laurel in the springtime, breakfast tacos, brilliant music, flourishing art scene, passionate gardeners, kick-ass grocery stores with organic produce, farmers markets, casual, relaxed restaurants and bars, and buy-local attitude. I can go from the farmers market to Hill Country Weavers for some yarn, to the Stitch Lab for a screen printing class, and from the Stitch Lab head over to the East Side and Domy to browse books, then to Tacoba for dinner without changing from the jeans and t-shirt I started the day in. (I'm not saying I would do that, but I could. If I wanted to.)

Morgan on hike and bike trail at Lady Bird Lake

Austin is the seat of state government and home to The University of Texas. Those two entities have provided jobs to folks like me for years. Our economy is still stronger than that of many U.S. cities.

me in front of the state capitol

People read here. Smart people live here. Progressive ideas take wing. This is one of the greenest cities in the country and getting greener. Today I'm very grateful Austin is home. But if it gets much bigger, I'm moving to progressive West Texas!

*As it turns out, I did have a "Day 16." I just somehow skipped over it. Doh!

30 Days of gratitude--Day 29

2011-01-04T11:17:00.000-06:00

It's official now, so I can break the news! The neuropathy in my hands and feet has gotten bad enough that the Taxol treatment is over! Yay! Now I'll have just the Herceptin, but only every three weeks. I am so grateful!

What this means is no more muscle and joint pain, no more flu-like symptoms 2 days after treatment, no more depressed immune system, extreme fatigue, and hopefully, eventually no more neuropathy! I am indeed grateful!

My hair will grow back and I'll start feeling good again. Hooray.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 28

2011-01-03T13:35:00.001-06:00

From left to right: Kathleen, Elena, Christine, Laura, Edmo, and Erika

This is my art focus group. These are some of the coolest, smartest, funniest, nicest, most creative people you could ever meet. I am so grateful to know each and every one of them.
For almost a year now we've been meeting on Monday mornings at 9 a.m., usually at Cherrywood coffee house, to discuss creative issues from making to marketing. Sometimes we talk about how to get "unstuck," how to be gentle with ourselves, how to ask for help, how to develop the creative habit, and how keep going when discouraged. Sometimes we talk about inspirations, processes, and resources. Sometimes we talk about the stuff in our lives that's really hard : family, illness, money, and relationships. Sometimes we cry, frequently we laugh, but we always celebrate one another's successes, no matter how small. Disappointments, rejections, and failures all become a part of the learning process and are treated as such--just keep exploring and playing and making. Eventually all of it becomes manifest in the work.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 27

2011-01-02T22:09:00.000-06:00

I am grateful for my bed.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 26

2011-01-01T10:25:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning, Morgan and I celebrated New Year's Eve Day with a road trip. We drove the back roads from Austin to Buda, from Buda to Kyle, from Kyle to San Marcos, from San Marcos to Gruene, from Gruene to New Braunfels, and back. I love a lot of small Texas towns. We stopped along the way and took some pictures. I'm grateful that it's so easy to get out to the country from Austin, and that we're surrounded by trees and water. I'm also grateful that sometimes man's footprint upon the land is beautiful, or at least interesting, because that footprint is undeniable.

future business park between Kyle and Buda

what are these? pink and blue, they are.

Too bad Riley's Tavern was closed because it looks awesome!

30 Days of gratitude--Day 25

2011-01-01T09:31:00.001-06:00

I'm grateful I survived this difficult and challenging year. I'm grateful I'm married to a kind and compassionate man. I'm grateful for my friends, my oncologist, the chemo nurses, and the few strangers who have come up to me and said, "I know what you're going through and it will be okay."

I'm grateful that I continue to feel hopeful in these wicked times. I don't believe in wearing blinders. I think the truth is the goal, regardless of how painful it might be. If we can't see and admit the truth then any real solutions are impossible. It's great to be positive and to see the beautiful parts of life, but living in that place for too long is foolish and not helpful. Sometimes we're supposed to feel sadness and sorrow. It's part of being human.

My greatest fear is that I possess enormous blind spots (lacunas) that are apparent to all but me, yet I know that possessing blind spots is a large part of my human condition. This is where a sense of humor is helpful. And I'm grateful for that.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 24

2010-12-29T13:29:00.002-06:00

This morning while watering the potted plants spending winter on our screened porch, I suddenly felt so lucky to have that space. Unless temperatures fall below 30 degrees, plants are fine without being covered. And if we do need to cover them, it's so convenient to have all the plants

in one central area.

There are more potted plants living on the porch, but these were the better pictures.

Yes, I'm grateful for our screened porch! It's just the right size for our various activities. In the warmer months, our kitties, who aren't allowed to go in the yard, love to bask in the sun, watch birds, lizards, and bugs, and sniff the breezes.

It's also home to the feral kitties in the winter. They have baskets with wool blankets and a heating pad where they can sleep out of the cold and damp.

Sprout, Colonel Popcorn, and the late Larry

We are also fond of porch-sitting and visiting with friends. For that purpose we have seating elements, or chairs.

We particularly enjoy sitting in our chairs and having a cold beverage after working in the yard, but almost anytime is good for porch-sitting.

Sometimes friends join us for a meal on the porch. This is Allan last spring with lettuces from our garden.

Ellen examining the lettuce.

We also enjoy making things. Sometimes we like to make things that create a big mess. The porch is the perfect place for messiness!

We made concrete stepping stones with Morgan's mom and Dad last spring.

I think Morgan's dad was having more fun than this picture might indicate.

Our messiest project to date was the quikrete birdbath that we decorated with beer caps.

As you can see we made quite a big mess, but loved every minute of it!

So on this lovely winter day, I am very grateful that at about 4 o'clock, I'll be sitting on the porch watching the last of light.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 23

2010-12-28T12:11:00.003-06:00

Say what you will about big pharma, and I'll agree with the worst of it. The big pharmaceutical companies are pretty corrupt: marketing drugs that haven't been tested thoroughly, not releasing information regarding drug side-effects, and charging far too much for drugs people's lives depend upon, etc. Pretty evil. But today, I'm grateful for pharmaceuticals. Months of chemotherapy have left me with neuropathy* in my hands and feet. I figured I was just stuck with it for a while. It tends to linger for months after the chemotherapy treatment that caused it ends. Today I got a prescription for a drug called Neurontin (Gabapentin). Gabapentin is often used to treat different types of neuralgia as well as epilepsy, but the cool thing about this drug is that it also treats symptoms I frequently suffer from: hot flashes, migraine headache, social anxiety, and restless leg syndrome (with virtually no side effects). It also deepens sleep and aids in sleep onset and sleep maintenance. Wow! I could stand a few months without hot flashes and and social anxiety! Of course, it may take a few weeks to start to work, but I can live with that.

* Peripheral neuropathy is the term for damage to nerves of the peripheral nervous system,^[1] which may be caused either by diseases of the nerve or from the side-effects of systemic illness.

The four cardinal patterns of peripheral neuropathy are polyneuropathy, mononeuropathy, mononeuritis multiplex and autonomic neuropathy. The most common form is (symmetrical) peripheral polyneuropathy, which mainly affects the feet and legs. The form of neuropathy may be further broken down by cause, or the size of predominant fiber involvement, i.e., large fiber or small fiber peripheral neuropathy. Frequently the cause of a neuropathy cannot be identified and it is designated idiopathic.

Neuropathy may be associated with varying combinations of weakness, autonomic changes, and sensory changes. Loss of muscle bulk orfasciculations, a particular fine twitching of muscle, may be seen. Sensory symptoms encompass loss of sensation and "positive" phenomena including pain. Symptoms depend on the type of nerves affected (motor, sensory, or autonomic) and where the nerves are located in the body. One or more types of nerves may be affected. Common symptoms associated with damage to the motor nerve are muscle weakness, cramps, and spasms. Loss of balance and coordination may also occur. Damage to the sensory nerve can produce tingling, numbness, and pain. Pain associated with this nerve is described in various ways such as the following: sensation of wearing an invisible "glove" or "sock", burning, freezing, or electric-like, extreme sensitivity to touch. The autonomic nerve damage causes problems with involuntary functions leading to symptoms such as abnormal blood pressure and heart rate, reduced ability to perspire, constipation, bladder dysfunction (e.g., incontinence), and sexual dysfunction.^[2]

30 Days of gratitude--Day 22

2010-12-27T20:35:00.000-06:00

I am grateful for bandanas. I've tried wigs and they always feel hot and scratchy. It's rarely cold enough for a wool cap, and often I feel silly wearing a hat indoors. Hooray for the versatile, comfortable, practical bandana! Did I mention that they come in many colors?

30 Days of gratitude--Day 21

2010-12-26T20:00:00.003-06:00

Our hosts, Luke and Kathleen

I'm grateful for Christmas this year. Our sweet friends, Kathleen and Luke, invited us to Christmas dinner and I had the best time! Kat's a wonderful cook, and she made the most delicious roast beef I've ever eaten with gravy, beautiful potatoes, two salads, green beans, her family's favorite mac and cheese (also possibly the best mac and cheese I've ever had!), and an orange spice cake and brownies for desert. It was seriously yummy.

Since my parents are gone now, it's often a comfort to be with people I love and their families during the holidays. I love being with Kat's artist mom, Pat, and sweet, smart, nine-year-old son, Carter. What a great kid. Funny and entertaining, he played the piano for us after dinner and then regaled us with jokes, of the nine-year-old variety. When we left, I felt as though I'd had the best Christmas in recent memory.

On Christmas eve, we'd gone to Laura and Greg's and had another of their fabulous dinners (a Mexican feast), exchanged gifts, and enjoyed a cheery visit with them and Laura's sister, Suzy, and her husband, Stuart. It just doesn't feel like Christmas to me if I don't spend some holiday time with Laura, Greg, Suzy, and Stuart. After 20+ years of friendship, they're family.

me, Laura, and Suzy

The night before that, we had a great visit with Vandy and Ellen (I know, so much socializing, right?) after work. We hadn't seen them for such a long time. We were seriously overdue! They may have a big fire in the back yard this week, which sounds like winter perfection to me.

So this year I've seen more friends, eaten more good food, and felt happier than I have in the last few Christmases. For me, Christmas is about spending time with people I love and I'm very grateful that I got to do so much of that this year.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 20

2010-12-25T12:20:00.000-06:00

I'm grateful that there's a bit of blue sky peeking out on this chilly Christmas Day. How lovely that the cold weather got here in time for Christmas.

30 Days of gratitude--Day 19

2010-12-24T12:21:00.000-06:00

I'm so grateful that my incredibly hard-working husband has today and next week off for the holidays. Thank you!

30 Days of gratitude--Day 18

2010-12-23T10:04:00.000-06:00

I'm so grateful that we not only have the income to pay for shelter, food, clothing, cars, and medicine when we need it, but also for outrageous luxuries like pets, eating out, art supplies, home entertainment options, and travel.

We are so fortunate to be able to go to the grocery store or farmers markets and buy what we like.

We live in a climate-controlled environment so that we never have to be too uncomfortable in the summer or winter.

We have cars that we can afford to put gas in so that we can go to a movie, to visit friends, or on a road trip.

We have cats that we can afford to take to a vet when they become ill or just for check-ups.

We have so very much. I often feel that we have much more than we really deserve when so much of the world lives without the very basics needed for survival.

I am deeply grateful for all that I have.

So when I begin to feel sorry for myself because I have to endure chemotherapy treatments and their side-effects, I try to remember how very lucky I am to have good medical care, and how very lucky I am to live somewhere where a cancer diagnosis doesn't mean death. For that I am also deeply grateful.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 17

2010-12-22T06:09:00.001-06:00

I'm so grateful that my dear friend, Carrie, sent me a Christmas card with her return address! I've had that address for years, but I had thought she was going to move, so I'd didn't use it. I'd done a number of google searches for her hoping something would turn up. I feel very silly, but mostly happy that she didn't give up on me.

Back in the day when we both smoked.

Carrie and I met many years ago when she was working as a sessional proofreader at the Legislative Council. Happily she stayed on for awhile and I got to find out what a brilliant, compassionate, spirited, and talented woman she is. Some years later I lived next door to her in a wonderful old Victorian Duplex in Hyde Park. Wish I'd stayed there longer. She's always been a true and loyal friend and we've been through some difficult times together. I will always appreciate her kindness and her constancy. I miss her and think about her often. I'm so grateful that I've located her right where she's always been. Love you, Carrie.

Thirty days of gratitude Day 16

2010-12-21T16:33:00.000-06:00

Morgan's job makes great vacations possible.

I'm so grateful that Morgan loves his job and works for a company that values him, respects him, and continually rewards him for his hard work. That said, he works a ton of overtime and genuinely cares about doing quality work, so his employers are right to appreciate him. It's a good company. Each employee gets a month a year in vacation time, which is rare for a private sector employer in the U.S. Yay Morgan! Yay Home Away!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 15

2010-12-19T09:09:00.000-06:00

Feeling incredibly grateful for my friends, old and new, who have taught me so much, have given to me so generously, made me laugh, held my hand when I cried, and been with me through the thick and thin moments of life. I hope I have given half as much to all of you as you have given to me.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 14

2010-12-18T23:52:00.000-06:00

I'm grateful that I've got only four taxol treatments remaining.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 13

2010-12-17T11:08:00.000-06:00

I am so grateful for my crooked little tree and all of its special ornaments. Either really old, handmade, or given to me by friends, each one is special, and many have stories. Each year when I pull my tree out of its bag I'm reminded of the people I love. Morgan made the big star on top out of paper and then I painted it and sprinkled glitter on it. There are lots of sequin and button balls that I made, and two that Melinda made. There's my dear friend, Carrie's, exquisite marbled glass ornament, the antique Czech glass ornaments that are so old they're almost clear now, and a few really special ones that were my mom's. I made a rule for myself a few years ago that I could only buy one really special ornament a year. By last year I decided that I had to make the ornaments or they had to be given to me or they could be from a garage sale or thrift store, but only if they predated the 70s and were glass--I know that's a lot of rules, but I only have so much space to store Christmas ornaments!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 12

2010-12-17T07:25:00.000-06:00

I am decidedly grateful for cold weather. I like it brisk, not too breezy, and a little sunny. Yes-siree-bob, that's the weather for me. Today the temperature won't make it up to 60, and that's fine with me. I wish it would stay that way for awhile. I like wool socks and I like to wear them every day. I have a few nice sweaters, but I still can't wear them because it's not cold enough for wool. It still hasn't been cold enough to wear a coat. But it's Texas and I should be careful what I wish for. Last winter we had days in the 20s and 30s and most people weren't happy about that.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 11

2010-12-16T18:04:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for antibiotics.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 10

2010-12-15T12:48:00.002-06:00

I missed posting for a couple of days because I got a mean case of Strep throat, so I'm going to play catch up today.

Saturday I went to the Cherrywood Arts Fair and was so grateful that Austin is home to so many amazing makers! Several of my friends were exhibiting their wonderful work and I was able to find quite a few fabulous gifts that day. I so wanted to buy things for myself because there were fabulous things: jewelry, handbags, pottery, knitted and crocheted hats and scarves, wonderful upcycled tire planters and mirrors, and some great drawings, but, alas, I'm going to have to wait for self-giving! I'm linking to a few of the artists I particularly liked at Cherrywood so you can see their work and maybe do a little shopping, too.

One of my favorite Austin jewelers is my lovely friend, Christine Terrell, making fabulous and unique pieces from upcycled tins, many of them vintage: http://www.adaptivereuser.blogspot.com/
From Christine's blog, which is terrific--both amusing and informative, you can find links to websites and local stores selling her jewelry. Her work can also be found this holiday season at Blue Genie.

Another jeweler I just discovered is Lindsay Field of Lindsay Field designs (http://www.lindsay-designs.net/). She specializes in handmade torch-worked glass beads and fused art glass that is then made into beautiful jewelry. Lindsay's work can be found on Etsy. I ended up buying two pairs of her earrings as gifts and it was really difficult to stop there. I wanted everything!

Then there's Holli Brown of Holli Brown Mosaics. I saw her wonderful work first at the East Austin Studio Tour, then again at Cherrywood Art Fair. Holly makes everything from frames, platters, bowls, and art pieces to pendants, earrings, and rings. Watch this cool video of Holli at work (http://www.hollibrownmosaics.com/video.htm), then check out her website: http://www.hollibrownmosaics.com/index.html

One of my favorite local artists is my dear friend, Laura Maclay, who makes the most beautiful handbags you've ever seen.

Intricately machine embroidered and/or hand painted, Laura's bags are meticulously crafted and are truly works of art. She's been making bags for around 15 years, having sewn since childhood. For the past several years, she's been creating fabulous paintings and making gorgeous quilted wall hangings as well. Laura's next show will be the American Craft Council's flagship show in Baltimore in March. When she launches her new website, I'll let you know.

Clare Pousson and Mark Wolter of Bluehaven Porcelain make the most exquisite ceramic pieces! Much of it white porcelain with transparent matte glazes and simple, graphic black designs. I first discovered them at the Gruene Clayfest this past fall. This time I actually bought a couple of the black and white dishes. Mark makes the pieces on a potter's wheel and Clare does the painting and glazing. They make a dynamite team. You can see some of their work on their Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Bluehaven-Porcelain/130891520295631

I met delicate English beauty, Lucy Begg, a couple of years ago at Arthouse at the Jones Center through our mutual friend, Alexa, then we downed a few pints at Lovejoys and I felt like I'd known her for years. I knew Lucy was a Cambridge/Berkley-trained architect with a pretty diverse background and that more recently she was closely involved in the Design Build Alliance, which is a start-up comprised of architects and students designing low-income housing. I'd never seen her wonderful drawings until this past weekend at Cherrywood. Her landscapes are my favorites. I want to see them on my walls. Here's a link to Lucy's website, sproutfarm ink,
http://www.sproutfarmink.com/#mi=1&pt=0&pi=1&s=0&p=-1&a=0&at=0

Think turning tires into planters is tacky? Well think again. Flippin Retire is the brainchild of Lee Gardner-Warrenfells. Lee turns trash tires into the most marvelous planters, and does everyone a great service by upcycling waste into functional art. Trained as a graphic designer, of course she has a great eye for color and design and her planters are just fantastic! I especially love her mirrors. Well, you need to see her work, because I just can't describe how cool it is: http://flippinretire.com/home.html

I am grateful for the makers.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 9

2010-12-13T08:31:00.000-06:00

Today I'm grateful for color: reds, blues, greens, grays, browns, yellows, purples; I love them all.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 8

2010-12-13T08:16:00.001-06:00

Today I am grateful for sleep, preferable in 8-hour stretches. I like it all: the magic meanderings of dreamtime, the blissful relief of being unaware for hours, and the mystery of the body's night-time healing rituals. I am glad that thanks to a little blue pill, I can now sleep for eight hours at a time instead of four, five, or six. I wake, if not refreshed, at least not exhausted. Ah sleep.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 7

2010-12-11T07:57:00.001-06:00

I'm so grateful that aging brings with it some pretty significant and positive psychological changes. Although I still consider myself a fairly impatient person, I'm definitely more patient than I once was. I don't hold onto anger long. I get mad, then it's over. I'm happier and more able to be in the present, which may help with the happiness angle. I'm better at planning and better at organizing. I can take things in stride and move on, for the most part. I have fewer unrealistic expectations of myself: I will probably never be a great artist, but I can enjoy making things. I will never be as fit as I was from 40-45, but I never want to be that obsessive or work that hard. I may not travel to all the places in the world I've wanted to see, but I can explore West Texas almost every year and it's grand. Life is good. Life is rich. I'm so grateful for my life, for Morgan, for my friends, and my home. Things aren't perfect, but rarely does a day go by that I'm not aware of how fortunate I am--thanks to getting older.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 6

2010-12-09T09:22:00.000-06:00

I forgot to post this yesterday, although I thought about it all day. I'm grateful for holiday crafting. I'm almost always in the mood for it no matter how crappy I feel. I leave a lot of my hangups about making behind and just play. I'm not as worried about the perfection of a Christmas ornament.

I was a little more concerned about the wreath, but I managed to hang it on the door yesterday in all it's imperfect glory.

Today, in between doctor visits, I plan to make more Christmas balls. I found some on the internet that I liked quite a bit:

I like the use of pretty ribbon and colors she used.

Here are a few of mine:

The button balls a little wackier, with odd sizes, and larger buttons overlapping smaller ones. They're looser, and much quicker to complete, however, you do end up with more bits of styrofoam showing through than with the completely covered sequin balls. Since I have some new and exciting sequins to work with, that's what I'm making this week.

I'm grateful that there are always a lot of things I want to make in the days before Christmas: ornaments, a wreath or two, maybe a few Christmas cards, and something knitted or crocheted. When my hands are busy, I'm so much happier.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 5

2010-12-07T10:50:00.000-06:00

Today I feel a bit sad and a little lonely. Feeling crappy most of the time is boring--to me and to friends. What I am grateful for are the friends that continue coming over, continue e-mailing, and continue calling. Those people are the ones I will hold in my heart forever. Thank you darlings. You are the best.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 4

2010-12-06T21:53:00.000-06:00

I'm grateful for these guys:

zoom

olive

sophie

flea

squeak

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 3

2010-12-06T10:29:00.000-06:00

I am grateful for books and for the ability to both lose and find myself in reading.

I am grateful for all the places and people I've discovered through reading, the knowledge I've gleaned, and the inspiration that's fueled my imagination. I'm thrilled each time I discover a "new" writer and happy to travel with him for awhile, discovering a new view of the world.

I'm grateful for having an appreciation of words: their beauty and power.

I am grateful for the invention of the printing press.

I am grateful to my mother for reading to me as a child, for teaching me to love and cherish books, and for encouraging my appreciation of the art of writing.

I am grateful for having the time to read.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 2

2010-12-04T12:27:00.002-06:00

Morgan and Pollock

I have infinite gratitude for my husband, Morgan, who is wise, kind, tender, and patient, and who has battled cancer with me for the past 6 months. He has held my hand when I've been afraid, held me while I cried in frustration, watched bad movies with me, and brought me countless cups of tea, smoothies, and vitamins. He gives me excellent council, makes me laugh, cheers me on, and puts up with me when my disposition is less than sunny. When life gets tough, he's not afraid to do the necessary hard work. He's a gift.

I wrote about some of his amazing abilities some months ago: Miracle Man

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

2010-12-03T08:18:00.002-06:00

My dear friend Kathleen, brought this to my attention via a facebook post this morning. It's a 30-day practice of gratitude:

http://blessherheart.typepad.com/bless_her_heart/2010/11/30-days-with-a-grateful-heart-2010.html

And as Kat pointed out, this seems to be the perfect time of year to begin this practice. And who knows, maybe I won't stop after 30 days.

I'm grateful to be alive--to breathe, to move, to think, to experience life through my senses. This dance with cancer hasn't been much fun, but I've learned from it. I'm grateful that my cancer was caught early, that the surgeon was able to remove all of it, and that the chemotherapy and radiation treatments ensure that there's is an 89% chance that it won't recur. There are a few post-chemo days of flu-like symptoms, food tasting crappy, shortness of breath, and depression. Then I wake up in the morning and the sun is shining in that clear blue winter sky and I notice that my body doesn't ache. I take my temperature and I don't have any fever. The bad taste in my mouth doesn't seem so bad. Ah, this feels more like what feeling good feels like. And then I realize that by spring I will feel good again. I'm grateful for the days of feeling strong and for all the future days of strength I'll have. Today I'm grateful that my body doesn't ache and I don't have a fever. That's a very good way to start the day.

Stuff I want to make

2010-11-23T09:41:00.004-06:00

I'm in the mood for holiday crafting. If the mention of Christmas wreaths, tree skirts, ornaments, and handmade gifts before Thanksgiving makes you stabby, then you might want to skip this post. But those who make things know that you have to start early or you won't have the tree up by Christmas and the stockings will be empty. This year I'd like to make a wreath for the door. I've seen a few things on the interwebs that I've liked.

this one is made from Rosemary

made from paper

paper again

and another one from paper

and I loved this card wreath using clothes pins and what looks like a giant embroidery hoop

I'm going to attempt to make one of the Rosemary wreaths. I want to use things I have and I don't want to purchase anything to make my wreath. I have Rosemary. All of our newspaper subscriptions are now online, so I can't make a paper wreath from newspaper, but it is possible that I could make one from handmade paper because Morgan and I have been collecting things to make paper with, not to mention our large bag of dryer lint, for some time. There are a number of paper wreath tutorials online. Here's a good one from Blue Cricket Design:

http://www.bluecricketdesign.net/2010/07/paper-wreath-tutorial-by-lovely-paper.html

Next time I'll be talking about balls. Big, blingy Christmas balls.

In the meantime, some of you know that I've had this wall in my living room that has driven me crazy for some time. I've tried all different sorts of arrangements of photographs or paintings on this wall and never liked the look. I finally figured out that since there was nothing, like a piece of furniture, in front of the wall, the whole space needed to be covered with either a very large piece of art or many smaller pieces of art that looked right with each other. One day I was tidying up in my art room and noticed that I'd collected quite a few picture frames over the past 20 years. Hmmm. I didn't necessarily have things to go in the frames, but the frames themselves could be used to fill that wall space pretty nicely. To pull everything together, I painted the frames with the paint I'd bought six months ago to touch up the molding. Here's how the wall looks now:

Immune system finally crashes

2010-11-22T17:19:00.003-06:00

It was bound to happen. My immune system remained strong through seven chemo treatments, then after the eighth one, it plummeted. (Last week, my white and red blood cell count was lower than normal. A lack of white blood cells is called leukopenia, caused by chemotherapy in my case. A lack of red blood cells, more familiar to most of us, is anemia.) So on Tuesday, I waited about 45 minutes to find out if I was even going to have an infusion. In the end I did, but my oncologist decided I had to return the next day, and for the next two days after that, for a Neupogen injection to help my body manufacture more white blood cells. Neupogen is a man-made protein that stimulates the growth of white blood cells. Unfortunately, it also caused my joints and bones to ache and also may have given me a whopper of a headache that lasted until Sunday. The lovely headache returned today and I don't know if it's caused by the Neupogen or by having a low red blood cell count. Since the red cells move oxygen through the body, too few red cells could have been the problem.

I have chemo tomorrow so I'll find out what my counts are. In the meantime to help me grow more red blood cells, I'm having some seriously delicious Stella-made grass-fed beef meatloaf, broccoli, and a green salad. Cheers!

Patty Falconer--Painter of Pups and more

2010-10-25T12:55:00.002-05:00

I met my friend, Pat Falconer, around four years ago when she was working as a sessional proofreader in my office. I liked her immediately. She was funny and smart, and pretty soon I found out she was also this awesomely talented painter. Please forgive the terrible pictures, which don't do justice to her work, but I wanted people to see some of her paintings because like a lot of artists, Patty doesn't have a website.

Pat specializes in paintings of animals, and mainly dogs. As you can see, her portraits capture so much of the spirit and nature of the animal she's painting.

love this one--part of a triptych

Cherubim

These are the "Sistine Chapel" dogs

one of my favorites

Patty is mad about Italian Greyhounds. She's volunteered for the Italian Greyhound rescue group here in Austin and has two of the little charmers, Sally and Bobo. Here's Bobo in action:

and Sally

Pat did some amazing opera-themed art some years ago. Here's a tiny bit of that work:

Patty's house is beautiful and filled with her wonderful work and her amazing collections of art, ephemera, and objects.

Patty, surrounded by books and art.

My pictures don't do justice to her home, either!

More recently, Patty has been drawing and painting chickens, turkeys, rabbits, and pigs. I think it's her way of

drawing attention to the plight of the domestic animal. In her drawings, these creatures are seen as handsome, noble, and even regal.

During the last legislative session, Patty taught herself embroidery so she could create a large wall hanging of all the proofreader pets. This is a detail of the piece:

Pretty amazing, eh?

If you've ever wanted a great portrait of your pet, you should definitely contact Pat Falconer. If you'd like to learn to draw your pet, Patty teaches a "Draw your pet" class at the Art School of Laguna Gloria, Austin Museum of Art.

Look what we made!

2010-10-21T08:37:00.000-05:00

I'd been wanting to replace our bookcase/tv stand/ugly cart audio/video situation since we set it up. The problem was finding something we liked that we could afford. That turned out to be a problem that took about 2 1/2 years to solve. I kept looking on Craigs list, at thrift stores, garage sales, used furniture stores, and even at Ikea. Then, while I was perusing a book on 60s built-in furniture I got the idea of building a simple console on legs. Morgan and I sat down and I showed him what I wanted, and we figured out what the optimum video viewing height was, how big the inside of the piece needed to be, and the leg height. I found the 12" legs online. And last weekend we started and finished the project. Morgan did a beautiful job of building it from furniture-grade pine. Then we sealed it with shellac which is harder than poly urethane and has a nice finish.

(Did you know that shellac begins as a resin secreted by the female lac bug on trees in India and Thailand? It's processed into flakes and dissolved in denatured alcohol to make liquid shellac.)

Here's the finished piece, doing a fine job at what it was created for:

Whinging about affordable good design

2010-09-21T09:41:00.004-05:00

There's a certain period of design between roughly 1945 and 1965 we refer to as "mid-century modern." "Mid-century modern is an architectural, interior, and product design form that generally describes mid-20th century developments in modern design, architecture, and urban development from roughly 1933 to 1965. The term was coined in 1983 by Cara Greenberg for the title of her book, Mid-Century Modern: Furniture of the 1950s, celebrating the style which is now recognized by scholars and museums worldwide as a significant design movement." (from wiki)

A high school chum in the late 60s lived in one of those iconic split-level ranch houses, built in the mid 50s, with Bertoia Diamond chairs (http://www.squidoo.com/Harrybertoiadesigns) on the patio, Saarinen's Tulip table (or a good reproduction) surrounded by Eames fiberglass Eiffel chairs in the kitchen, and the most beautiful modular sectional I've ever seen in the den. All of this surrounded by wood, glass, and concrete, resting on a big, heavily wooded lot. I loved being in that house and I'll always remember it. My friend's parents weren't wealthy. His dad was a retired college professor, his mom a public school teacher. That house, combined with my mom's 60s decorating magazines and the movies of the 50s and 60s I grew up with, instilled in me a love of modern design.

A 40's bungalow or a 70s tract house will never be a modernist house, no matter how much Saarinen, Jacobsen, Eames, McCobb, or Bertoia furniture is scattered about. I was reminded of this when looking at the beautiful experimental Case Study Houses. Commissioning major architects of the day, Neutra, Ellwood, Eames, Soriano, Saarinen, etc., Arts and Architecture magazine sponsored the design and build of "inexpensive and efficient" homes for the U.S. housing boom caused by the return of millions of soldiers after the end of WWII. The program ran from 1945 until 1966.
http://www.eichlernetwork.com/fnc_steel.html

All those fabulous furnishings I love were meant to inhabit these houses. That doesn't mean I don't like seeing mid-century modern pieces in houses built in the 20s or the 70s, but as I discovered in my last house: a few pieces of well-designed furniture cannot overcome a really badly designed house! Now it seems that pieces from the 50s and 60s are virtually impossible to find at an affordable price. What I'm seeing far too much of are blogs and magazines showcasing a lot of things that all look the same. The really great stuff is far too dear, and the rest of it looks like Ikea or Crate-and-Barrel-do-modern.

The zealous over marketing, and accompanying overpricing, of all things "mid-century modern" is hateful, but there's nothing to hate about good design. (I am getting bored with a certain look, though--sort of an Ikea meets DWR thing--and am trying to find a new look to love.) One of my issues is that good design is not really affordable, except by the often rather disposable Ikea route. And let me say, I have the ubiquitous Ikea Malm (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/categories/series/07468/) bed and a big expedit (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80071357) shelving unit. They were useful, inexpensive, and expedient purchases, but if I had it to do all over again, I don't know if I'd choose that route. Ask me in 15 years. We'll see how the stuff holds up. I prefer buying stuff from garage sales, Craigs List, and thrift stores, but it's hard to find substantial, well-made pieces anymore, unless shopping is all you do.

And, can someone tell me, when did people get this idea that they needed to replace perfectly good pieces every few years? My parents bought good furniture and lived with it until they died. Redecorating was a new coat of paint. By the look of it, people seem to think they need a houseful of new furniture every few years, "...doesn't go with our new decor." How many times have I seen that in a Craigs List post?

Advertising and marketing have really done a number on us. We all seem to like the same thing and right now it's "mid-century modern" and its ilk. I'm still going to throw a few wretchedly beautiful old bookcases with peeling paint into the mix.

A few good links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErBGq6ZA-2U

http://www.modusmodern.com/

http://www.amazon.com/Mid-Century-Modern-Furniture-Cara-Greenberg/dp/0517884755

http://midcenturymodernist.com/

http://www.bluffton.edu/~sullivanm/index/saarinen/saarinenindex.html

http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/eames/

http://www.arne-jacobsen.com/en/arne-jacobsen.aspx

Tuesday's chemo kicked my ass!

2010-09-16T08:27:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure why, but my reaction to the Adriamycin/Cytoxin treatment Tuesday was noticeably worse than the last one. I was careful to hydrate myself thoroughly before, during, and after treatment, but I was bloated and felt nauseous Tuesday and Wednesday, even when I took the nausea meds I didn't need to take after the last treatment. The headache didn't seem as bad, and I was able to sleep a great part of the day, which was a great blessing, as was having Lauren and Patty to take care of me. Thank you, ladies!

Well "they" say you feel worse cumulatively. Only one more of these A/C bad boys to get through.

Morgan and I are getting more comfortable with the routine of treatment. I know when I'll feel crappy and will need extra help, and when I'll feel like doing things. Our kind and generous friends are keeping our fridge full of healthy and delicious food so that's one thing my overworked husband doesn't have to squeeze into his tight schedule. I'm able to keep up with the household chores, although admittedly by lowering my standards somewhat. And with all the rain we've had lately, my plants are thriving.

I thought perhaps I wouldn't turn into a puddle of wasted muscle and flab if I could somehow get myself to exercise, but the chemo makes me really heat- and sun-sensitive so I wanted to find something I could do indoors. Then it occurred to me that people buy exercise equipment all the time and then stop using it. I decided to see if anyone had an exercise bike I could borrow for awhile. Sure enough, Patty had a beauty of a recumbent bike she was happy to temporarily part with. Yes! It's now parked under the ceiling fan in my office/studio, where I can listen to music or watch a movie on my laptop. Tomorrow I'll be hopping back on it for a merry little ride. Today I'm resting and reading Sarah Waters, The Little Stranger, a gothic novel I started last night at 2:30 and couldn't put down for 2 hours. Yummy.

Fuzzy headed

2010-08-31T06:46:00.000-05:00

Being bald certainly isn't the worst part of having cancer.

Morgan shaved my head Friday, August 20, because I was shedding like a cat in June: hair on my pillows, hair on my clothes, hair in the sink. I wanted to avoid hair in my food. Ew. I have two wigs but it's way too hot to wear them, so to protect my head from the sun I wear a hat outside and a bandana when I'm going somewhere, which is mostly to doctor appointments right now. I'm currently revisiting the post-chemo slump week in which simply walking down the hall makes me feel tired.

I used to take things like brisk morning walks for granted. Can't wait to be able to do that again! I also can't wait to be able to spend all day making something, working in the yard for hours, painting a room, working on the chicken coop, going on a road trip, hiking, camping, or simply going to garage sales on a Saturday morning. Right now I spend long hours with books, cats, and my laptop, looking out the window at the birds. I seem to have about 2 good weeks out of the month and even on the best of days I must be careful not to do too much. I choose one activity instead of 3 or 4. Going out to dinner is going out to dinner and coming home and getting in bed. I'm hoping that when it gets cooler I'll be able to do more outside. I'm looking forward to the cool mornings when I can go for little walks around the neighborhood. I love to watch the way the light changes from summer to fall. I'll be able to sit outside on pretty days and lie in the hammock and read when I'm feeling logy. Life is made of little moments.

My hair hurts!

2010-08-19T08:59:00.003-05:00

You know that feeling right? Like there's an invisible force field pulling all the hairs on your head so that your scalp hurts. I read that when your hair starts to fall out the scalp feels very tender. (Yes, indeedy, but why does my head hurt and why do I feel nauseous?) Tomorrow the head will be shaved!

Last Friday I had a wreck and the car was totaled. I'm ok, but my sternum still hurts like crazy. (I took some Hydrocodone last night, which is probably why I woke up nauseated.) Morgan has wanted a Prius for years, so we found one on Craig's list and bought it on Saturday. It's a 2009 and pretty fabulous--super quiet, rides like a dream, and handles beautifully. It might as well be a Mercedes in my book. It's 85% recyclable! The parts that are usually plastic in cars are made from plant-derived ecological bioplastics made from the cellulose in wood or grass instead of petroleum.

On Monday, I went for a checkup with the breast surgeon. She aspirated my breast and drained 80cc of blood. Needless to say, it feels better and is less swollen.

Tuesday I'll have my second round of chemo and Morgan's mother arrives to take care of us for a week. It will be nice to have some mom tlc for awhile. They just know what to do, those mothers.

The chemo port has been installed!

2010-08-07T11:06:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I had my chemo "Power Port" installed. The port was placed under the skin, just below my collar bone.

Wiki describes this device and procedure more effectively than I could : "The port consists of a reservoir compartment (the portal) that has a silicone bubble for needle insertion, with an attached plastic tube (the catheter). The device is surgically inserted under the skin in the upper chest or in the arm and appears as a bump under the skin. It requires no special maintenance and is completely internal so [showering and] bathing are not a problem. The catheter runs from the portal and is surgically inserted into a vein (the jugular vein, subclavian vein, or the superior vena cava). Ideally, the catheter terminates in the superior vena cava, just upstream of the right atrium. This position allows infused agents to be spread throughout the body quickly and efficiently.

The septum is made of a special self-sealing silicone rubber; it can be punctured hundreds of times before it weakens significantly. To administer treatment or to withdraw blood, a health professional will first locate the port and disinfect the area. Then he or she will access the port by puncturing the overlying skin with a 90° Huber point needle although a Butterfly needle may also be used. (Due to its design, there is a very low infection risk, as the breach of skin integrity is never larger than the caliber of the needle. This gives it an advantage over indwelling lines such as the Hickman line.) Negative pressure is created to withdraw blood into the vacuumized needle, to check for blood return and see if the port is functioning normally. Next, the port will be flushed with a saline solution. Then, treatment will begin. After each use, a heparin lock is made by injecting a small amount of heparinized saline (an anticoagulant) into the device. This prevents development of clots within the port or catheter. In some catheter designs where there is a self-sealing valve at the far end, the system is locked with just saline. The port can be left accessed for as long as required. The port is covered in a dressing to protect the site from infection and to secure the needle in position." Thank you, Wiki!

The reason a port is recommended is because the substances injected into the veins for chemotherapy are quite toxic and are very hard on one's veins, not to mention the discomfort of numerous needle sticks for chemo and constant blood draws. The chest is an ideal location because the veins are large and carry more blood which helps to dilute the the toxic drugs. The procedure is simple, fairly quick (about an hour) and in my case was done under local and "twilight" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twilight_anesthesia) anesthesia.

Surgery started at 8:00 and I was home by 11:30 with a prescription for Hydrocodone (Vicodin). Thank you, Dr. Abikhaled and the nurses and staff of Central Park Surgery.

After Morgan brought me home from surgery, Laura M. arrived to insure that I did not do injury to myself while still under the effects of anesthesia. She made me lunch, got me juice, helped to unload and load the dishwasher, and kept me entertained until time for Morgan to come home. Laura, you are awesome! Sweet Stella dropped in to drop off her beautiful casserole made from Boggy Creek Farms organic vegetables and to chat. Stella, you are a gem. Then last night, Joel and Angela came over and brought dinner to us from Curra's (Yum!). It was great to hang out with them, even through a vague Vicodin haze. And today, Angela the amazing, is returning to vacuum the floors, mop the kitchen floor, and do a couple of loads of laundry.

I've been the grateful recipient of so much care and love. This week I was cheered, fed, and well-cared for after my first chemo treatment by Michele, Finn, Edmo, and Kat, and Lynda brought me her wholesome, healing Matzah Ball Soup. Thank you, dear ones. Morgan is the wonder-husband, always by my side, loving me, fretting over me, caring for me, and making me laugh. If you want to do something for me, ask Morgan what he needs.

First round of Chemo Cocktails

2010-08-05T07:53:00.004-05:00

My first round of chemotherapy (http://www.chemocare.com/faq/act_chemotherapy.asp) was served by a sassy and wise young nurse, Rachel. She was efficient, kind, jocular, and gave me some very good advice, "The mind is powerful and sometimes you'll start to feel nauseous the day of chemo, so take some Xanax or something before you get in the car to drive up here." She's got me pegged. In the picture below, she's administering the adriamycin, which is slowly pushed into the IV.

For the second time, I met with my oncologist, Beth Hellerstedt, resembling a younger and prettier Emma Thompson, she is a whirlwind of competence, determination, and humor. (Did I mention her fabulous shoes?) She supervises my treatment like a 5-star general, while patiently answering my questions and building my confidence for the fight ahead. After that first treatment, I'm thinking my fight is against the side-effects of the Adriamycin/
Cytoxan regime--headache, nausea, crashing fatique. Took one of my 3 different nausea meds, which made me so drowsy I couldn't stay awake. Considering how crappy I felt, sleeping was a blessing. Slept most of the day and night yesterday, too. I feel better today, but I still have a headache.

I was told that the onset of chemo side-effects usually occur 4-7 days after treatment, when the blood counts reach their lowest. I'm hoping that most of my sickness has passed and that I'm not going to experience more of it later in the week.

On a very positive note, I am well cared for. Morgan stayed home from work yesterday morning, then Michele and Finn came over yesterday afternoon. I couldn't have asked for a better caretaker. Thank you, Michele. You're a total doll. And Finn is such a sweet, beautiful child. He glows. Today, the Edmo/Kat care team pull tag team morning/afternoon shifts. I'm pretty sure the red devil doll Edmo made for me is going to exert some powerful mojo on these chemo side-effects.

This has fairly worn me out, so off to the land of nod.

Like bubbles floating to the surface

2010-08-02T07:33:00.001-05:00

more feelings are coming up, largely in the form of irritation at the small insults of daily life and time spent waiting: for test results, for appointments to be scheduled, for post-surgery swelling and pain to subside, for iv port installation, for chemotherapy to start, for my hair to fall out... A good friend assured me that it was fine to call her and talk when I was feeling really angry. But I'm not angry because I have cancer (question: if a cancer has been removed from the body, yet one is undergoing treatment for cancer, does one still have cancer? answer: Yes! for as long as rebel cells may remain. This is war!). Who would I be angry with? A plethora of environmental pollutants? Me, for smoking for years? My grandmother, whose rogue genes I share? On the other hand, I'm not looking at my cancer as a gift, although having the disease has brought surprising gifts that I'm grateful for. So if I seem to be under expressing anger or grief, it's because I'm not experiencing those feelings right now. Mostly I just live from day to day, which is a fine way to live in my book. I look at my calendar and see what's scheduled for today and I deal with whatever it is. Lately it's been good stuff: spending time with friends, renewing old friendships, writing and receiving lovely long e-mails from friends, and receiving gifts from friends. And by gifts I mean the tangible stuff you can hold in your hand: Edmo's delightful ceramic red devil (for me a symbol of the chemo drug, adriamycin, known as the "red devil."), flowers, cds, and fabulous food. So far no pink stuff, thank you very much!

Last week I had a CT scan, a brain MRI, a bone scan, and an echocardiogram (basically a sonogram of the heart). None of those things were painful. Hooray! And luckily for me, I find the world of medicine pretty fascinating so I'm never bored, although I'm sure these tech folks wish I'd stop asking questions! And have I mentioned how nice these people are? Well they are. Super nice.

I was supposed to have a chemo port installed (http://www.ehow.com/how-does_5633327_chemo-port-inserted_.html) last week or today, but the surgery people dropped the ball. My breast surgeon won't install a chest port, but she will install an arm port (I use my hands far too much for an arm port. It would drive me nuts.), so we had to find another surgeon. It's a boring story. Tomorrow, my first chemo treatment will be with an iv, which will probably be fine, but I definitely don't want to do that every time because I don't want endless needle sticks. I'll get to endure plenty of those for all that blood work!

I'll try to report later in the week on the aftereffects of chemotherapy. Oh, I almost forgot! My friend, Lauren is giving me a snazzy, super short haircut to make the transition to baldness a bit less dramatic. I think that's happening later today. Now it's time to get ready to go to my art group, where sadly, I have no art news to report because stupid cancer is taking all my time!

Top o' the morning!

2010-07-24T10:58:00.004-05:00

We went on our first walk this morning since my lumpectomy. This is one of my favorite yards, but the photo really doesn't do it justice. It's a combination of tropicals and natives and this is its best year yet!

Cancer update:

I met the oncologist, Dr. Hellerstedt yesterday. I really liked her. I found out this morning that she was my friend Corie's mother's oncologist. Corie had e-mailed me the day after I had gotten the recommendation from a friend, singing the praises of her mom's oncologist, how she had saved her mom's life, and that I should at least meet with her, but didn't mention her name. Tiny, tiny world. I feel like the goddess of healing has smiled upon me! Thank you, Kati and thank you, Corie!

My cancer was classified as Stage 2A due to the size and the positive test for HER2 sensitivity. This type of cancer is fairly aggressive (grade 3) which explains how it got this big relatively quickly (3.2cm).

So here's the treatment plan. 3 months of chemo cocktails every three weeks including the "red devil," Adriamycin. After that Taxol for another 3 months along with Herceptin that blocks the HER2 receptors. The Herceptin continues for 6 months after that's done. The first three months are will be the hardest, the 2nd and 3rd phases of treatment will be a lot easier to handle. That which doesn't kill me... http://www.chemocare.com/faq/act_chemotherapy.asp

Beth said I'm likely to have 1-4 rough days after each treatment during the first phase. Chemo lasts three-four hours.

Next week they're doing every test under the sun: echocardiogram, CT scan, brain MRI, full bonescan. This is to establish my baseline measurements of health so they can monitor me throughout the treatment and post-treatment for signs of problems or recurrence. Chemo starts on Tuesday, August 3rd.

Oh, Dr. Hellerstedt also gave me a prescription for a cranial prosthesis, i.e. a wig! Isn't that hilarious? So, I have always wanted a wig and now

I get one and insurance will pay for most of it! Whee! Wig shopping

anyone? Although as hot as it is in September, I will probably be rocking the bald head until it cools off.

Went for my first walk since the lumpectomy this morning and I feel pretty good. I'm going to see if I can do some light chores like laundry folding and a little pick up around the house, too. Then we're going to go out to dinner with some friends tonight, too. Life is actually pretty damn good, in spite of this foolish cancer!

2010-07-20T11:45:00.002-05:00

This is Ida Skeen and me. Ida was my nanny when we lived in Port Arthur. Because both of my parents worked and Ida, my mom's friend Judy's mother, needed employment, Ida came to live with us during the week where she looked after the house and me. Mostly she looked after me. We loved each other very much. When my dad took a job in San Benito (down in the Rio Grande Valley), Ida moved with us. Sadly, she missed her own family and grandkids so much that she only stayed with us for a year, then moved back to Bridge City. I missed her terribly and when we would go to visit family in Orange, we always made a trip to Bridge City to see Ida and her big, affectionate family. They became very dear friends and I loved spending time at their rambling old country house. There was a screened sleeping porch and lots of big old comfy furniture for curling up in and reading. The back yard was huge, with enormous trees, a badminton net, and a big vegetable garden. Ida's grandsons, Ricky and Butch, who were a few years older, would actually play with me sans complaints!

I was thinking about Ida today because when I looked at this picture this morning, I realized how beautifully it depicts love. I'm feeling a lot of love right now for Morgan and our family and friends, and I know how healing that is.

My lumpectomy was yesterday. Three lymph nodes were also removed. Some hopeful news is that the sentinal node (http://www.webmd.com/breast-cancer/guide/sentinel-node-biopsy) does not appear to be cancerous. If no cancer is found there, chances are that there will be no cancer in the other two that were removed. And if it's not there, then it's safe to say that it's not in the lymph system. Cancer is happiest in the place it originates. The next place it wants to go is someplace neutral--the lymph nodes. It will usually move to another organ only after going to the lymph system. So now we have to wait for the pathology report to make sure the edges of the mass that was removed are cancer free (known as "clear margins") and I'll meet with my oncologist. If the margins are clear, then I'll move on to radiation. If not, more surgery. There's a lot of time spent not knowing with cancer. I've been getting friendlier with that frame of mind. It's teaching me to live, if not in the moment, at least in the day!

The surgery recovery period is going to be longer than I'd anticipated. I'll be able to move around this week, but I can't lift anything heavier than 5 pounds, can't drive for 2 or 3 weeks, and have to wait until my surgeon authorizes it to begin exercising. I've cut my pain med dosage in half and that seems to be fine. Yes!
I'm going to stop typing now because that seems to be making the affected arm sore.

Life goes on

2010-07-18T13:53:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow I have the lumpectomy--such an ugly word. Morg and I met with Dr. Martinez on Friday. The procedure is pretty straight-forward (http://surgery.about.com/od/proceduresaz/ss/Lumpectomy.htm).

It's the side effects I worry about, like lymphedema (http://www.networkofstrength.org/information/treatment/sideeffects/lymphedema.php). Ew. We should have the pathology report by Thursday, then we can proceed with radiation and chemo. Morgan is taking the week off to care for me, but I'm hoping that recovery from a lumpectomy doesn't take that long.

Last night we had a scrumptious dinner at Laura and Greg's house: grilled wild salmon and eggplant, roasted potatoes, broccoli, and cauliflower, a delicious fennel and apple salad, followed by a desert of dream bars (http://bakinandeggs.com/2009/10/22/dream-bars-angel-bars/)

topped with vanilla gelato. As you can imagine, it was a happily sated group.

This morning my friend, Elena, brought us two (!!) lovely homemade veggie pot pies. Yum! That's dinner for several nights this week. Thank you, Elena! Then we wandered over to the Hope Farmer's Market on the east side. (11-3 Sundays) I loved it--nice and shady and very low-key. You can still sleep in a bit on Sunday, have coffee and a leisurely breakfast before venturing out. If you haven't yet, you should check it out.

Morgan hung shade cloth over our garden. Maybe that means we can have a viable garden for the rest of the month!

Life dishes out a few lemons

2010-07-14T08:17:00.013-05:00

I've been postponing this post for a few days now. I knew I wanted to share this news, yet after finding out only a week ago today that I have breast cancer, I'm already getting weary of talking about it. So it looks like, at least for a while, this blog, like my life, is going to be headed in a new direction.

History:
June 17: After coming home from a fun day spent with Laura on her birthday and a lovely dinner with Lauren, I discover a lump in my left breast.

June 21: Schedule appointment with the nurse practitioner, Nancy Loomis, in Dr. Reich's office.

June 25: After the exam, Nurse Loomis sends me off with a referral for a mammogram and some encouraging words, "feels like a cyst."

June 28: The results of the mammogram lead to a sonogram and a short visit with the radiologist who says that there are, "areas of concern" in the images. I'm to schedule an appointment with the breast surgeon for a biopsy.

July 4th weekend: Worked on the chicken coop and in the garden, went to Natural Gardener, ran some errands, had Laura and Greg for dinner on the 4th, and had a great weekend despite the looming "areas of concern."

July 6: My second biopsy--I had one 3 years ago when a routine mammogram revealed some suspicious looking calcifications, all benign--with Dr. Kelly Martinez. I like Dr. Martinez very much. Stephanie Reich, my awesome gynecologist, referred me to her. She's competent, kind, and a straight-shooter. I trust her. They give you a local for these things, but they hurt, dammit. I'm to go back in tomorrow for the pathology report.

July 7: After I'm escorted into the examining room, I notice that the pathology report is up on the computer screen. I look. I see these words, "positive" and "invasive ductal carcinoma." It's like a gut punch. I turn pages rapidly in the "Simple Living" magazine I've carried into the examining room, my eyes passing over images of fresh, sunlit rooms, refusing to think, yet turning the phrase, "invasive ductal carcinoma" over and over in my mind. It seems like an eternity, probably more like 5 minutes, before Dr. Martinez comes into the room. "I have some bad news," she begins. Then she repeats the terrifying phrase, "invasive ductal carcinoma." It's real. I have cancer. Invasive means that the cancer has left the duct where it originated and moved into the breast tissue. It's a little over 1 centimeter. She says that I'm "an excellent candidate" for a lumpectomy, which must be followed by radiation and chemotherapy. (We won't know if the cancer has moved into the lymph nodes until the lumpectomy.) Or, I could have a mastectomy with no radiation, just chemo, but the recovery takes longer and there's no difference in the survival/recovery stats. She talks to me for several minutes about types of radiation therapy, but really I take very little in. I'm still stuck on "invasive ductal carcinoma." As I leave the office, she recommends a couple of books (Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book, the bible of breast care http://www.amazon.com/Dr-Susan-Loves-Breast-Book/dp/0738209732/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1279111996&sr=8-1) gives me a reassuring pat and says, "you'll do just fine." I'm actually able to take that in. I'm to schedule an MRI and make an appointment with the radiological oncologist, Dr. Timothy Dziuk, who specializes in a relatively new form of radiation treatment: mammosite brachytherapy, which I'll talk about later. I'm numb, but grateful for my husband, friends, and therapist! I will kick cancer's ass.

July 8: I schedule the MRI and my appointment with Dr. Dziuk (pronounced "juke," like the box). I am even more determined to stay positive and kick cancer's ass! I begin to tell a few of my closest friends.

July 9: The MRI. I requested a sedative because I was afraid being enclosed in a confined space for 45 minutes would make me twitchy, at the least. The MRI tech, Rusty, was warm, friendly, and laughed at my jokes--which equals "awesome" in my book. My blood pressure was super high and Rusty said that was par for the course. He advised me to check it daily for a week and if it continued to be high to make an appointment with my doctor. In case you don't know, here's what the numbers in blood pressure mean:

The higher (systolic) number represents the pressure while the heart contracts to pump blood to the body.
The lower (diastolic) number represents the pressure when the heart relaxes between beats.

The systolic pressure is always stated first. For example: 118/76 (118 over 76); systolic = 118, diastolic = 76.Blood pressure below 120 over 80 mmHg (millimeters of mercury) is considered optimal for adults. A systolic pressure of 120 to 139 mmHg or a diastolic pressure of 80 to 89 mmHg is considered "prehypertension" and needs to be watched carefully. A blood pressure reading of 140 over 90 or higher is considered elevated (high).
The MRI was fine, the Xanax had kicked in, and I found the super weird, noisy MRI sounds to be really interesting.

July 10-11: Another lovely weekend: gardening, doing chores, running errands with Morgan, going to the library and checking out a bunch of books on cancer, a book of Wallace Stevens poetry, and East of Eden, so Lauren and I can read it in tandem--although mostly I'm reading the cancer books, which are fascinating. I am actually in great spirits. I will be kicking some ass soon.

July 13:
Met the radiation oncologist today, and really liked him. A lot. He explained the mammocite procedure in detail. http://breastcancer.about.com/od/radiationtherapy/a/mammosite-brachytherapy.htm  He has more experience performing mammocite brachytherapy than anyone in the area. When I left his office I felt more informed and reassured that I was on the right path.

   I'm scheduled for the lumpectomy on Monday.   I'm not sure what time yet. My pre-op appointment is tomorrow and I'll find out then. They'll also be removing the sentinal lymph node (the closest one to the breast mass) and will be able to tell, while I'm on the table, if it's positive for cancer, although they won't know for sure until the pathology report comes back if it's negative. If it's positive they'll remove more lymph nodes for testing. If, as both the surgeon and the radiation oncologist now think (and the MRI seems to indicate), the cancer has not gone elsewhere then I'll start the radiation treatments around mid-week. I'll be going to those every day (I think twice a day) for a week and then I'll be through with radiation therapy.

I have a pre-op appointment on Thursday morning and I'll get all the info then about what time the surgery is scheduled, etc.   Apparently the kind of cancer I have is positive for a protein called HER-2 (human epidermal growth factor receptor 2) which promotes growth of cancer cells. HER-2 cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancers. There's a drug called Herceptin that specifically targets and kills HER-2 cells while reducing the risk of the recurrence of cancer. It's my understanding that I'll be taking this while I'm on chemo and I'll be on chemo for about a year. Herceptin has some pretty scary side effects, but supposedly the doctors moniter the Herceptin patient closely for adverse effects.    It just gets more real every day. I still plan to kick some cancer ass.

Morgan is setting up a support network website for me that will include progress reports and information, things we'll need help with if and when the going gets rough (like grocery shopping, light housework, and meals, errands, etc.) so friends who've asked how they can help out can sign on for whatever they feel like doing in a particular week.   This seemed like a handy thing to have and it's just so like Morgan to want me to have a "Lynell Kicks Cancer" website. Don't imagine I'll really need this before I start chemo, but it will keep the man busy. He's pretty adorable.

A couple of our kind and generous friends, who are professionals in the fields of acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine, have offered free acupuncture and herbal prescriptions (all I have to do is pay for the herbs!) to help offset the effects of radiation and chemo. I'm really thrilled, since I was thinking about going for acupuncture for help with side effects. People have just been amazing these last couple of weeks. We have so many amazing, generous, loving friends. If you're reading this, I love you all. And that means YOU!

July 14: So this brings us up to date. I am determined to be present, be real, take good care of myself, stay positive, retain my sense of humor, and kick cancer's ass! Today, I'm going to do some grocery shopping, some housework, and do some reading--maybe something that's not about cancer!

Chicken coop progress

2010-06-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

Well dear reader(s), we're not moving as fast as I thought we would on the hen house, but my husband/builder likes to build things to last. That's a good thing.

The coop site

The boards on the ground are recycled plastic/sawdust lumber that won't rot like wood.

It's built away from the fence so we can walk all the way around it and also so that we can put hardware cloth along the ground to keep the coons and possums out.

Just starting to lay out the actual coop (on the left) which is built separately from the run in case we need to move it. The wire will link them together, as will the roof.

The support posts of the coop are made from a donated 4x6 cedar ceiling beam.

The coop is off the ground so that the nesting boxes will be at a convenient height for us to open the hinged door and reach in from the back to collect eggs. We'll also be able to slide the floor out and hose it off!

The back wall is in; we'll cut the door in later and add windows for light and ventilation.

Side walls are up. The next step will be the metal roof, insulation, and coop ceiling. The roof won't extend all the way over the run, so that the hens can have some direct sunlight in the winter.

We do plan to let the chickens out in the yard when we're home and can watch them, but our fence doesn't enclose the side yards, so chickens could wander around to the unfenced front yard. We want our hens to be happy, but we don't want them to wreck our front garden!

these long summer days

2010-06-22T14:26:00.000-05:00

begin with early mornings in the garden followed by cereal, seasonal fruit, and English muffin breakfasts, and progress to tall glasses of strong iced tea, while the heat and the cats that sleep for hours on end inspire me to not much more than reading, resting, and ruminating, so it's good that I start a new class tonight: artistic embroidery. I've been wanting to learn embroidery for a long time. I learned a few stitches as a child, but it's been years since I've tried my hand at anything more than a few deliberately crude stitches to embellish a collage.

It's been in the 90s for weeks now. I can't complain because it hasn't reached 100 yet, but it does slow me down and keep me indoors more than I would like. As I've gotten older, I've become more sensitive to the heat, so I tend to go out early in the morning and again at dusk.
There's plenty to do indoors so that's fine, but I'm still spending more time on the computer than I'd like, so I'm going to try using a timer to keep my indulgences in web crawling brief.
We'll see how that goes.

Off to do some cooking now.

New camera, new pictures

2010-06-20T08:35:00.000-05:00

For my birthday this year, Morgan surprised me with a Canon digital SLR camera. Do I love it? It's amazing. I can get so close to things.

That caterpillar devoured half of one of our volunteer tomatoes in what seemed like one day.

I've been playing with my new camera, keeping plants hydrated, and repairing/painting found birdhouses (gotta' love bulky garbage pick up) and bird feeders. I hung a couple in the dead tree in our front yard and have just about decided that I want to turn the dead tree into some kind of "art tree." I think it's going to be full of bird houses and bird feeders, a long-term project.

The garden is thriving.

I've made two batches of pesto in the last couple of weeks. I love pesto: pesto on pasta, pesto pizza, pesto on crostini, topped with a homegrown Sweet 100 tomato slice! Basil and melon are two of my favorite summer crops. And this is the happiest basil I've had in a few years. I think the drip water system Morgan installed has made all the difference, and we've actually gotten a decent amount of rain this spring. Keep your fingers crossed for more of that all summer long!

The volunteer cantaloup. That's what comes of using compost made from your kitchen scraps! There are about 7 more on the vine right now. I just picked this one a couple of days ago. We may sample it tonight.

It's about time for me to head outside to work on the chicken coop. I'll post some pictures of its progress tonight or tomorrow. So far this has been a fantastic June.

With summer comes basil and with basil comes pesto!

2010-06-02T19:44:00.000-05:00

I finally got around to making pesto this afternoon. It's so delicious, I could eat it every day! We had it with pasta and salad tonight. You might consider having some soon.

And if you topped it with a few of these, it would be even better:

Oh, and maybe you could have a glass of this hibiscus, ginger-lemon green tea with a sprig of mint. I'm pretty sure you would like it:

my new favorite summer beverage

Two posts in one day! Holy crap!

2010-05-29T13:41:00.006-05:00

This is where I've been hanging out lately. It's the best place to read.

There's been a lot happening in the garden. We've just about reached the end of the yummy lettuce. Much of it's now too bitter. Lettuce just doesn't like temperatures above 90 degrees. I'm with you on that, lettuce. Our tomatoes are doing well. We're already harvesting the cherry tomatoes and it looks like it won't be long before the big boys are ready.

See the little cherry tomatoes on the left? Now look at the big green ones on the right. That plant is loaded!

The chard is still doing really well and it's quite a bounty this year.

Good for us that we love chard!

The little grapefruit/tangerine hybrid that Suzanne and Melinda gave me has now produced little fruit.

Here's our volunteer squash plant that's growing along the edge of the garden.

I planted things in the concrete blocks that surround the garden. Here's one of my

favorites: Loebelia. The blue is really that intense. Next to that is baby thyme.

Just wanted to show you a picture of the beautiful big

Talavera pot I found on one of my bulky pick-up day

outings.

I also found this big metal grid that works perfectly as a plant table. I'll soon be repotting more succulents and this is where they'll live.

We're still designing our chicken coop. I thought we'd be building by now, but such are the woes of urban farming. I guess I'll be happy if the chickens are safe, comfortable, and productive.

I'm a bad blogger!

2010-05-29T13:10:00.004-05:00

Seems like I've been meaning to post for weeks, but I never seem to get around to it! Just finished my Surface Design class at the Stitch Lab. We dyed, stamped, silkscreened, did bleach and wax resists and whatever else you can imagine doing to fabric! Here are a few pictures:

This is canvas, fan folded, and then folded again and dyed cerulean blue.

I'd like to overdye this piece. It was dyed golden yellow and washed, the leaves were silkscreened, then a texture was applied and turquoise dye rolled over that.

This is cotton, folded and then rubber banded, died blue and washed; then the spirals were applied with a stamp dipped in a bleach formula, rinsed, then overdyed with green.

This is my favorite piece: dyed Chinese red, washed, placed on top of a lace-patterned plastic placemat, and bleach applied with a roller over that.

This is cotton that was folded over and over again, clamped between plexiglass, then dyed a chocolate brown, and washed. I used one of Kat's stamps coated with a bleach formula to make the leaves.

These were all just experiments to find out how the fabric would react to different dyes and surface treatments. Now I'd like to make a couple of screens specifically for using with dyes on fabric and order some dye colors I'd like to work with. I'm already thinking of all the white shirts in my closet! One thing I will not do is is rainbow colored tie dye. That you can be sure of!

One great thing about these Procion dyes is that they are so stable. The jet black is truly black and the colors are rich and saturated. Even if you just want to dye some fabric a solid color, this is absolutely the best dye to use. It's available at Dharma Trading Company in many yummy colors.

It's for the birds!

2010-04-25T18:58:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted. We went to Big Bend for a week. In spite of being rained on, we had a lovely time. April is a nice month to visit the desert. The ocotillos were blooming, as were the prickly pear. We just missed the yucca's extravagant display, but did see a few still in full, luscious bloom.

We had a few nights of rain. I hate getting up in the middle of the night to go pee anyway, but getting up when it's muddy and rainy sort of sucks. Our tent kept us mostly dry--if we didn't roll too close to the edge of the air mattress, where the bedding was sopping wet. But being in this beautiful, unspoiled region of Texas always feels like a gift. You can drive 50 miles in any direction without seeing a power line or a billboard, or any other evidence of man, except of course the road you're on. I love the harshness of the desert. All the plants and animals who live there have to be extra tough. I admire the tenacity of desert creatures.

So this week we acquired a truck:

And started making a birdbath:

observing and contemplating birdbath

We still have many more bottle caps to apply. I think we'll probably finish this little project tomorrow evening. It may not be beautiful, but if it gives the birds a place to splash around and drink, then it's serving its purpose. We joke that it's wabi sabi--imperfect, rather odd, and using materials we had at hand.

Stepping into Spring

2010-04-09T18:53:00.003-05:00

I stole that title from Kathleen, who hosted the most wonderful mid-day party today. We made stepping stones. Kat had quikcrete, concrete pavers, and everyone brought all kinds of yummy stuff to create beautiful stepping stones. Some of my favorite things were ceramic pieces that Kat's mom, Pat, brought--just so many lovely things to play with. Thanks, Pat! Edmo brought some really cool stuff, too, including some fabulous ceramic angel heads. Wish I'd had time to incorporate more of the great things everyone contributed.

Making in the "artport"

Triple threat--Erika, Elena, and Kat

my first stepping stone

Supplies galore!

Some of our handiwork

Elena's feet and her lovely work

Happy Laura

my second stepping stone

It was a great spring day with fine friends, delicious food, and time well-spent making! It doesn't get any better than that.

Now it's time to finish getting ready for our trip to Big Bend. We leave tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be posting about it upon my return. My love for the Southwest just keeps growing.

Austin Funky Chicken Coop Tour

2010-04-03T18:02:00.003-05:00

Hooray for the folks who sponsor the Austin Funky Chicken Coop Tour! We had a fabulous time this morning and visited 7 different sites. We saw big operations: House Bar Farm, owned by the folks who run Eastside Cafe (They also supply the cafe with all their eggs.), is a big chicken ranch with 200 Bovan chickens who are happily roaming acres of land. Their coop used to be a crack house and now securely houses the happy flock at night; and Springdale Farms with their flock of 70 or so beautiful hens, and one rooster. We were particularly interested in the families with 6 to 10 chickens who nest in some wonderfully creative and aesthetically pleasing coops. What I really loved was getting to visit with the owners of these contented birds, who were very generous in sharing what they've learned about raising happy hens. The chickens were delightful: curious, attractive, interested creatures so unlike the sad birds who spend their short lives on factory farms.

The girls in photo just above may look like they're in crowded conditions, but they had acres to roam and these particular hens were just having a chat fest on the shady side of their coop.

This was our favorite small coop (Morgan and Pat liked it a lot!) artfully decorated with tile. This coop (the owner, who's name I didn't catch is on the far right in the yellow shirt) housed 6 chickens. We liked this chicken house so much that we're planning on incorporating elements into our own coop design.

We've been collecting materials for our coop for awhile now, so we'll have to figure out exactly what we have and what we'll need. I'd love to have a rainwater catchment system so the hens can have fresh rainwater. I'm sure they'd like that! I'm going to be spending a lot of time Googling free chicken coop designs to download. There are still a lot of bulky pick-up days coming up, so you can be sure we'll be out there scavenging stuff to build our dream coop. I'm already planning to make some silk screen designs for it! Chickens! Yay!

Blooming

2010-03-26T07:11:00.001-05:00

I took some snaps yesterday of what's in bloom around our house.

The columbine in the tub isn't quite blooming yet, but it has little buds and I bet today at least one of them will open. The one just above, tropical sage or tropical salvia coccinea, was just planted last week. The little jasmine that was also planted last week has grown a sturdy new sprig. The weather here has been glorious and perfect for the spring garden, lots of sunny days interspersed with days of rain. It's a Central Texas gardener's dream.

Bulky pick up day!

2010-03-24T10:42:00.000-05:00

It's bulky pick up week in my neighborhood. I love it. So far we've scored a big roll of green fencing for our future chicken enclosure, a hollow-core door for my screen printing table, a crappy dolly with really good wheels, two wooden planter boxes, and my favorite thing so far: an old rattan table for the patio plants.

I'll paint the planter boxes and clear coat the table. I like the way it looks, but it will need protection

from the rain and sun. Don't look at the sad ginger plant in the back. I'm putting it in the ground this year. Poor thing barely survived the freeze, but it's making a valiant effort to come back.

The two Mexican feather grasses that my friend, Stella, gave me are doing well in their pots, but I'd really like to give them a home in the ground. Maybe if I ever get rid of the grass in the hell strip, they'd like to live there.

Our garden is doing really well this spring. The seeds we just planted are sprouting and the lettuces and greens that were planted about a month ago are thriving.

Stamp making/madness

2010-03-23T16:24:00.001-05:00

I've been making stamps today and thinking about a larger project to incorporate them.

I will be making stamps for the rest of the week I think. They're pretty basic at this point. They're super fun to make and if you want to learn how to make them, you can take a really fun class with Kathleen

McTee (I can't stop singing her praises!) at the Stitch Lab for only $40! What a deal! She will show you several different techniques and you can print your designs on paper and/or fabric. I keep thinking of different things to do with them: borders on paintings or prints, greeting cards, tea towel borders, pillow case borders (I like borders!), or using several different ones together to make an image for a screen print. Learning how to make stuff is super fun and I can feel new spaces in my brain opening up every time I learn something new. I think this is called "burning new neural pathways." It's a good thing.

Spring Fevered

2010-03-18T17:25:00.003-05:00

It's been awhile since I posted. I made more t-shirts and this time I got the iron really hot so when they were washed they barely faded. Success!

Tuesday my friend, Kat, and I went to the nursery in the pouring rain. I donned my rubber boots and if my feet don't get wet, I'm perfectly happy tramping around in the mud. I needed only tomatoes and peppers for the vegetable garden and it's still too cool to put them in ( It's supposed to get down to the upper 30s this weekend, so I'll plant them early next week.), but I did find a few other lovely plants.

There's a lot to love about springtime in Austin: the weather's perfect, many of the trees are budding and blooming, and the air smells clean and sweet.

My lady banks rose has just begun to bloom. It doesn't bloom long, and only in the spring, but it's huge and blooms profusely. I'll try to get some better pictures next week. This one is a little overexposed.

A few of the plants I bought for the back yard beds are two coral berry plants, a couple of Katy ruelias, a beautiful white tropical salvia coccinea, a wood violet, and a barely pink jasmine. The jasmine is pictured below.

I couldn't resist these English Daisies for the front porch. I'm loving white flowers right now.

I also pulled up a bazillion baby hackberry trees. I love having a creek behind us, but the creek bed is lined with hackberry and ligustrum. Meh. I try to think that all trees are good, but because these are not native species and are very invasive, I don't encourage them. Unfortunately, in a war with hackberry, humans rarely win!

t-shirts!

2010-03-09T08:14:00.001-06:00

Ok, I'm not quite ready to go into business or anything, but I do like printing t-shirts. I really like finding the shirts at thrift stores. I just don't feel like there need to be a lot of new t-shirts in the world. Here's the three I've printed so far:

The bird shirt is my favorite, but I have some ideas about ways to make the circle shirt a lot cooler--its color combo is the best, but looks washed out in the picture, red-violet on brown. I like the Screamin' Jay Hawkins shirt, too, but I just can't seem to take a decent picture of it.

In the interest of practicing my new skill before I forget how to do it, yesterday I bought some screen paints and a stack of paper for printmaking at Jerry's. I just need to practice with great frequency and abandon until I feel comfortable with it. I really like the process and it's something I've always wanted to do. Think I will look around for some more used t-shirts and get one container of fabric paint and print up a few more shirts this week.

Toot Your Own Horn

2010-03-05T07:54:00.002-06:00

Toot Your Own Horn

Check out these wonderful vintage toy horn lamps!

Posted using ShareThis

Making stuff for my last class

2010-03-04T11:48:00.002-06:00

My last screen printing class at the Stitch Lab is this coming Sunday. I've been nursing a sick kitty--it's a very long story--so I haven't had much time for making lately. However, this morning I made another stencil to print on Sunday. I really like this one. It's from a Charley Harper drawing.

I'm going to print it on this green paper and on a t-shirt. That's how much I like it.

I also made two transparencies for the photo emulsions prints. They'll be printed on t-shirts. Here's one:

I made this one on Johnny Cash's birthday last week. I also made one of Screamin' Jay Hawkins that proclaims "It's Screamin' Jay Hawkins and he's a wild man, so bug off," from "Stranger than Paradise." None of my photographs are good, so I'll just have to wait to post that one when it's actually on a t-shirt!

We'll be doing nothing but printing in this last class, so I'll be able to make a prints on paper (bought some nice green and orange heavy paper from Jerry's) and a few t-shirt prints. I picked up 4 t-shirts at Savers last week. Can't wait to wear my own custom shirts!

I've been working with a lot of my art-making demons: the big ones that tell me I'm not an artist; the nagging ones that tell me what I do is crap; and the frightened, vulnerable ones that mostly show up in class. I'm starting to keep a journal and reading more about blocks to creativity and how to work with them. What seems to work the best is just to continue to make.

The other thing that I've found to be invaluable on this journey is to surround myself with people who believe in me and who support what I want in my life. It's interesting to find that when you start showing up in your own life, you start really knowing who those people are.

Estate Sale finds

2010-02-23T10:43:00.001-06:00

Now this may not look like much, but these are things I've been wanting: an old retractable clothes line ($1.50); an old heating pad that doesn't automatically cut off after an hour ($1.50); a set of nice German water colors ( $2.00!); and a weird old religious emblem which I don't really need and haven't really been wanting, but I'm pretty sure it will come in handy for one of my boxes($.25). I also got a really nice wooden box for 50 cents. I swear I'm not going to start posting pictures of my stuff on this blog, but I do think the retractable clothes line is sort of special, so I figured I would just photograph it with the entire "haul." Now would you like to see some pictures of my cats? Ha! Just kidding.

My first silk screen print

2010-02-23T10:33:00.001-06:00

It's just a practice print I did on an old bed sheet using tempera paint. I'm working on another image today. The best thing about this class I'm taking at the Stitch Lab is that Kathleen is such a good teacher that I'm actually going to know how to do this when the class is over! I can't wait to get some thrift store shirts and print stuff I've always wanted to see on t-shirts! I enjoyed making the stencil for this way more than I thought I would. Hmm. Now what class will I take next?

Little painting

2010-02-19T18:32:00.001-06:00

I made this little painting today. The photograph is crappy because I shot it in ambient light without the flash. I've got to get a better camera or never take pictures indoors unless it's very sunny. In spite of the crappy photo, the colors are pretty true, so you get the idea. Little space flowers. I'm going to play with this palette for awhile. I realized today that this is my house palette! No wonder I like these colors.

I also finished the stencil I started cutting yesterday for my screen printing class.

It's cut on Tyvek! Kathleen said it's a wonderful medium for stencils because it cuts like paper, but because it has these tough fibers woven through it, it's really durable. And it's washable. Not that I plan on washing my stencils very often, but that means that they won't be destroyed by liquids.

Here's the painting I was working on earlier this week. I don't love it, so I'm just going to move on to the next thing. I'm practicing non-attachment. I don't want to love or hate anything I do; I just want to keep making.

I am getting a little more comfortable with a brush, so that's good. Dammit I wish I could afford to take more art classes!

(Holy mother of god. I just fixed the most egregious spelling error. Thank you, husband. )

Being Inspired

2010-02-16T12:11:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been loving the work of modernist Charley Harper (1922-2007). Harper's stylized wildlife illustrations graced the pages of children's books and magazines. He created works for nature-based organizations such as the Cincinnati Zoo and the National Parks Service. Harper worked in a style he referred to as "minimal realism."

If you'd like to see more of Charley Harper's work, check out this site:

http://www.charleyharperartstudio.com/?gclid=CKrn4t6H958CFSYbagoduWLYhg

Another modernist I admire is Stig Lindberg (1916-1982), one of Sweden's most important designers, who was a painter and illustrator as well.

Here's a lovely site that features the work Lindburg did in a variety of media:

http://www.retrohome.se/htm_dokument/stig_l.htm

I've seen some of Lindburg's ceramic work on e-bay, but it's a bit too

dear for my budget. I love looking, though!

I made silkscreens!

2010-02-16T07:50:00.000-06:00

My first screen printing class with the fabulous artist Kathleen McTee was Sunday. I made my first two screens:

Class was great; we learned to make the frame, stretch the fabric, and tape the screen to render it waterproof. We also played around a bit with cutting stencils. Tyvek! I'm going to practice stencil cutting this week. The class is at the Stitch Lab, which is owned and operated by the Renaissance woman, Leslie Bonnell. I really can't say enough good things about Leslie and the Stitch Lab. If you have any interest in sewing, embroidery, yarn, art cloth, stamp carving (!), or color theory, please do yourself a huge favor and take a class there. There are so many different classes to choose from!

http://www.glitzkrieg.biz/schedule/schedule.html

Just being there is a little slice of heaven.

The week overall

2010-02-13T17:54:00.001-06:00

This is more or less what I posted as my weekly "check-in" for my creativity focus group. Being lazy, I decided it would be just fine to use it as today's blog post.

GOOD AND BAD: I was actually able to devote a couple of nice blocks of time to painting, did my multiple-store marketing, and a lot of healthy cooking (good). Tuesday I worked on a new circle painting; on Thursday I started another painting I've had in my head for weeks (girl in birch forest) and so far I'm fairly pleased with it (very good!). Yesterday I spent most of the day doing battle with my demons while searching for a design for the screen printing class that starts tomorrow (bad!). I was an angry ball of angst by last night (very bad!). This morning I finally settled on an image that I feel ok about (good); I keep beating myself up about the skills that I lack (bad). I actually had a pretty great day today, bought stretcher boards at Jerry's for Kathleen's class, some paints that were on sale at Hobby Lobby (the devil's own craft store), had a late lunch at Madam Mam's, and found a children's book with wonderful jack rabbit drawings at Half Price (nice and good).

BAD: Once again, I'm realizing that I have a very low tolerance for frustration. As you may well imagine, this is a character defect that hasn't served me well. That lack of tolerance combined with my perfectionistic tendencies often drive me out of the studio and back into bed with my macbook and Netflix. It's so disconcerting that the baggage around pursuing something I love can make me so irritable and depressed. Wish I could just dump the stuff that I know doesn't work.

GOALS: I want to practice drawing and I'm really loving a particular style of illustration right now. I'm going to do some research on illustrators I like, track them down at the library, and make some scans of drawings I want to study. This week I'm going to spend a few more hours drawing, finish my circle painting, and work on the birch forest painting. I have a few ideas for a box series I'd like to do so I'm going to sketch those out for future work.

Making beet soup!

2010-02-11T13:52:00.000-06:00

I made this beet soup yesterday. (I haven't figured out why the color in my blog posts is off, because it really is the prettiest magenta in i-photo.) The recipe I used is from Deborah Madison's Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone, which is one of my favorite cookbooks. Of course I had to tweak it a bit, so I'm printing my version of her recipe. One of the things I love about this recipe is that it uses the whole beet, greens and all. The white blob in the middle is a tablespoon of yogurt, but you could use sour cream if you prefer.

I started with the basic vegetable stock:

1 large onion

2 large carrots

2 celery ribs, including some of the leaves

1 leek

1/2 red onion (just because I had it)

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 tablespoon nutritional yeast (optional)

8 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed

8 or so parsley branches

6 thyme sprigs (or 1/2 tsp. dried)

2 bay leaves

salt

Scrub the veggies and chop them roughly into 1-inch chunks. Heat the oil in a soup pot. Add the vegetables, yeast, garlic, and herbs and cook over high heat for 5 to 10 minutes, stirring frequently. The more color they get, the richer the flavor of the stock. Add 2 teaspoons of salt and 2 quarts of cold water and bring to a boil. Lower the heat and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes. Strain.

I used to feel wasteful composting all those veggies after I strained the soup, but all the vitamins, minerals, and veggie goodness is now in the stock; I'm really only discarding some fiber and believe me, I get plenty of that!

Beet Soup

6 cups veggie stock

3 or 4 beets with their greens, peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes

1 med. sized onion, finely diced

2 leeks, white part only, diced

4 med. lg. carrots, chopped into 1/2 inch slices

1 med. potato, peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch cubes

2 Tbs. butter (or olive oil)

Salt and freshly milled pepper

1 tsp lemon juice

chopped dill

Sour cream or drained yogurt

In a soup pot over medium heat, cook the onions and leeks in the butter until soft, about 7 minutes, stirring now and then. Add the beets, carrots, potato, and 1 teaspoon salt and cook 5 minutes more, stirring occasionally. Add your vegetable stock; it should be about 6 cups. Simmer until the beets and carrots are tender, about 10 or 15 minutes, adding the beet greens during the last 5 minutes. Taste for salt. You can add 1 tsp. of lemon juice to bring up the flavor if you like. Serve the soup sprinkled with dill, seasoned with pepper, with a spoonful of sour cream or yogurt in each bowl.

Morgan and I loved this soup. I only wish I'd doubled the recipe because it didn't make as much as I would have liked. I'm going to make a very large batch of vegetable stock this weekend so that I can freeze some and have it on hand, making soup preparation very simple. Home made stock is so much better than store bought! If a recipe calls for chicken stock, I think using canned or boxed soup is ok, but with vegetarian stock-based soups, you can really taste an enormous difference. I just make the stock one day, and the soup the next day.

So if you like beets, you should try this delicious soup. And if you don't already own it, get yourself a copy of Deborah Madison's excellent cookbook, Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone.

Making everything but art

2010-02-08T05:28:00.001-06:00

I'm up at 4:30 because I can't stop my brain! Silly brain, you need sleep. This has been both a good and frustrating week. I've got making the bed, making dates with girlfriends, making trips to the store, making space, and making dinner down, I tell you! It's making time for making art that eludes me. I even made a workout date last week (making muscles! Hi, Iris!). Every day I had a list of errands and appointments. Today doesn't look any different: our cat Sophie has another UTI, so I'll drop her at the vet's at 7:30 (Anna Chan at Abraham Veterinary Clinic is the best!), grab some breakfast treats for the creativity group, and from 8:30 to 11:00, I'll be at C's house for the group meeting. Yesterday I spent all day moving things into the new studio shelving Morgan built for me. Now I actually have room to work. Hooray! I may not make anything but cat food today (I sort of have to because that grass fed beef liver I bought at the farmers market Saturday needs to be used.), but tomorrow I will give myself an afternoon in the studio. It's on the calendar!

No more whinging! I think, despite only having 5 hours sleep last night, this will be a good day. I will be taking a nap this afternoon!

Unexpected Gifts

2010-01-31T23:05:00.004-06:00

It's been a happy and hectic week. A couple of weeks ago, I was invited to join a creativity focus group by an artist friend. I was very flattered and after my initial fears about not being good enough were assuaged, I signed on. The idea is to get together weekly, at this point anyway, to support each other in working toward our individual goals. Because everyone in the group is at a different stage in their careers, I, being the least practiced of the group, should reap huge benefits from their greater experience. What a gift!   So we met Monday morning from 8:30 to around noon! Time well spent: five very intelligent, articulate, creative people whom I'm going to love really getting to know. Because having all this unstructured time is new to me, both K. and C. suggested that I actually structure my week. C. suggested time blocking: breaking down the week into days, the days into hours, etc. Here's the gist of it:

The concept of time blocking or estimated time usage is a great way to determine if your To Do List is doable in your available time or if it is completely unrealistic. To get the best possible results you will need to be honest with your estimates regarding the amount of time needed to achieve each task.

So I bought a calendar and post-it notes, and tomorrow I'll block out my week. C. uses post-its, so in case she can't get to a particular task she can just move the little task note to the next day. Tomorrow, I'll schedule my girlfriend dates, exercise, errands,  and household chores. If I want to spend 3 hours on Tuesday afternoon making art, then my mind can be free because all of the little tasks usually vying for my attention have a time and place set aside for them. I'm hoping that structuring time this way actually results in my having more of it, as well as a clearer head! The other suggestion from the group was to make, make, make, and not worry so much about whether I like the end result: it's about process. In fact everyone assured me that I would hate a lot of the stuff I make in the beginning. Hmm, where have I heard that before?

The rest of my week was spent painting and arranging things in the new dining room, taking a few hours to help The Friends of Onion Creek cleanup endeavor, marketing, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining friends on Saturday night.

We moved so much stuff around when we were working on this house project that somehow a lot of crap ended up in my studio. Time to clear some of it out to make a little space to work this week! I desperately need to shelve the walls because every surface is covered right now. Aaach!

My landscaper pal, Jeremy, reports that it's time to plant fruit trees. We want to put two in the front yard. Don't get me started on gardening right now. That's a topic for a future post.

This week was full of gifts: the focus group, finding a book K. recommended at Half Price, getting help with painting from Laura, some very lovely exchanges with friends, and spending time outside caring for a park. I couldn't have asked for a finer week.

Finally finished painting the dining room

2010-01-28T17:06:00.001-06:00

It took me 2 and a half days to do it, but I finally finished painting the new dining room. We still have to put a couple of baseboards back up, but I'm sitting at my table right now and I have to say that I love it. I ended up painting it a dark pumpkin instead of coral because it worked so much better with the ochre kitchen. Here's what it looks like:

Here's another view looking into the kitchen:

I really need to paint the table or find another one, remove the ceiling fan light, and do a few other things, but I'm through with home improvement for awhile. I need to make some art!

Here's one more shot looking through the kitchen into the dining room from the living room:

The end.

My miracle man

2010-01-24T13:54:00.018-06:00

My husband Morgan continually amazes me. He's a software engineer by trade--and works a kajillion hours a week, counting all the work he does from home writing software code. But the things that astonish me are all the skills he's amassed over the years that don't have anything to do with what he does for a living. I could tell you about how he took a crappy old warehouse on the east side and, with the help of a couple of other artists, turned it into a studio/performance space called The Off Center, which is the home of the brilliant theater group, the Rude Mechanicals, but that was before I knew him. The truth is, most of what he knows how to do is quite mysterious to me. I'm just grateful that the man has some serious skills!

What he's done:
In our house on the east side, he completely remodeled our tiny kitchen, replacing a non-functioning window with drywall and insulation, installing cabinets, laying tile on the counter tops and backsplash, and doing all the electrical work. He created a beautiful rose arbor one year for my birthday (with wooden pegs rather than nails!), and the next year he built big pine bookshelves that framed a doorway in our living room. I really hated leaving all of those lovely things behind when we moved, but the house was old, poorly constructed, and always needed work. His task list was never ending.

A new house:
When we began looking for another house, Morgan said he wanted to buy a house that was in extremely good shape because he was tired of spending all of his free time working on a house that, even with the improvements he made, would never be a very good house. We were lucky enough to find a home that had been built in 1971, when there was still old-growth wood and contractors didn't seem to take as many short-cuts. The house is remarkably solid. On top of that, the previous owner had poured a lot of time and money into tastefully remodeling the kitchen and bathroom, adding French doors to the room leading out onto the patio, replacing all the doors and many of the windows, and installing a top-of-the-line, super high-efficiency ac/heating system. After about 10 minutes in the house, Morgan said, "I want this house."

Some stuff we had others do:
Of course we had our own ideas about what we wanted, so before we actually moved into the house, Morgan ripped up all the carpet, scraped up the old linoleum that was under the carpet, and had bamboo floors installed throughout the house (He simply didn't have time to do it, but he could have.), and had the garage converted into an open, spacious office. After we sold our old house, we had a screened-in- porch built onto the patio slab out back. That was always a dream of mine, and mosquitoes are bad here in the summer.

Morgan saves the day (and a lot of money)!
Yet there was still something about the house that had always bothered us. There was no dining room. We used the room between the kitchen and the 2nd bedroom as a dining room, but you couldn't get to it from the kitchen. You had to walk a few steps down the hall and enter the room that way. I wanted better flow. I thought we needed a doorway from the kitchen into the dining room, and I wanted a big doorway. I am not a fan of walls. It took over a year to convince Morgan of the veracity of this notion, but he finally succumbed to my weekly admonitions and agreed that a doorway was indeed a fine idea. We decided to find out what it would cost to have someone else do the work and after getting a few estimates (from $1050-$3000), Morgan decided with a little help, he could do the work himself. To begin with, he needed move several electrical outlets. The wiring ran along the bottom of the wall--a large section of which was to be removed. Morgan spent two weekends moving all the electrical wiring and installing new junction boxes and outlets. Then he enlisted the assistance of our friend Larry, who'd had a lot of experience with dry wall. Morgan opened up the wall, he and Larry framed it out, installed dry wall, and did the taping and floating. (see link above) So now we have this lovely little dining room (with French doors to the screen porch) that looks like it's a natural extension of the kitchen. Of course I'll post pictures after I've painted the new room and placed the furniture. I just wanted to shine a little light on my wonderful husband. Ah. I love my miracle man.

Hallway to dining room, first door on right

Doorway from kitchen to dining room

Creative chops

2010-01-22T16:27:00.005-06:00

My friend, Laura Maclay, has serious creative chops. She can do it all: drawing, painting, sewing, embroidery, knitting, and crocheting. (She's also a kick-ass cook.) She's been constructing handbags for a living for over 10 years now. She paints and makes art quilts, too. Lately she's been crafting these amazing knitted creatures. Laura is incredibly generous and has supported and encouraged me creatively for years. Did I mention that she's my very best pal?

Laura travels cross country with her husband, Greg, to art shows throughout the year. When she's not on the road, she's busy making. I wish she had an outlet here in town so you could go see her work. What you can do is go to her Etsy store to see a few of her purses. Here's the link:

http://www.etsy.com/shop/pursesnatcher/

Here are a few samples to whet your appetite: